There's an Assassin in My Gameroom
by Ace of Aces 2.0
Summary: Due to a very temperamental Xbox 360, Megan and Julia now have the famed Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad in Megan's gameroom. Things can't get any worse, right? Wrong. Altaïr angers the 360, during a Desmond cutscene of the game. Insanity ensues...
1. The Evil Xbox

I whistled, whistled, whistled as I turned on my 360. Julia and I were going to trade off playing Assassin's Creed.

Ah, Assassin's Creed. Only the most awesome game ever! My other cousin, Alicia, was a fangirl of Altaïr, but Julia and I just thought he was pretty damn cool.

"Shut up, Church."

"Screw you, Caboose."

Yes, we were Red vs. Blue fans as well. I was Church, she was Caboose.

"Flip a coin for who goes first." Julia held up her quarter. "Call it in the air."

She threw it up in the air. "Heads." I said.

It landed. Tails. Ah well, I'd get my chance.

Before we really get going with this tale, let's get some imaginations, erm, imagining. I was five foot three and a half inches tall, my cousin, Julia, was five foot five. I was 17, she was 13. Alicia was 14, five foot two, and overweight, but we were working on that. She was losing weight, however, thanks to me pressuring her to not eat every time she was upset.

"Don't eat your feelings," I'd said. "Bury them in a punching bag. Or a mat. Or even a pillow."

Julia's brother, David- but everyone called him Davey- was five foot six, and skinnier than hell. He was 14 as well.

Julia and I were currently at my house. Alicia was coming over later, and Davey would be here once he got out of summer school for the weekend.

Anyway, Julia was playing, me giving her the occasional pointer when she got confused or whenever I knew a better way to do something. We did that for each other- it'd helped us become better gamers. Her record was halfway through the story without dying, and mine was memory block four, after the first or second assassination.

Then the damn Xbox Red-Ring-of-Death'ed on us. Julia was pissed- so she hit it. Not hard enough to break, but enough to show it she was mad. I calmed her down, turning us away from the TV. There was a strange whooshing noise, and a bright light exploded behind us. I turned, very, very confused.

The hell? Was that Altaïr standing in my gameroom?

There's an Assassin in my gameroom! Holy shit!

"Julia?" I said.

"Yeah?" She sounded dazed.

"This is all a strange dream, right?"

"I don't know." She pinched me.

"OW! Son of a bitch, Caboose!"

She laughed, Altaïr turned around. "Where am I?"

Then he blacked out.

I ran over to him and took his pulse.

"Okay, he's alright. He's probably going to have a headache, though- let's get him on the couch." I said.

Julia nodded, and together, coupled with an awful lot of cursing, we pulled Altaïr's unconscious body up onto the couch.

"Christ, Julia, how hard did you hit that thing?" The Xbox was back to glowing green now, right were Julia had paused it. Altaïr was still in the game- but he was here as well? This was way too confusing.

"I didn't hit it that hard…"

"Dude, still- we have Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad in my gameroom!"

"I wonder what your mother would say."

"I don't think she would believe me."

"If we show her-"

"She'll call the cops, man! And the FBI will like, dissect him or something."

"Okay, we'll just have to work with it."

"Somehow." I said as Altaïr opened his eyes. He saw us and ejected his hidden blade.

"Dude, relax. Chill. We're not gonna hurt you, and we're not Templars." I said.

His hidden blade was still out but he untensed slightly.

"Who are you two?" he asked.

"I'm Megan. That's Julia." I said, pointing to each of us in turn.

"Where am I?"

"Rosharon. You're in Texas." Julia said.

"What's a Texas?"

"It's a place. Rosharon is a town."

"How-How did I get here?"

"I have no idea." I said as he sat up, retracting his hidden blade. He looked at us then caught sight of the box to my Assassin's Creed game.

"Why am I on this?" He picked up the box and looked at it.

"That's the case to a video game."

"What's a video game?"

Julia and I slowly broke down the world to him, and when we were finished he looked at us like we'd lost it.

"So you're saying that I am part of a virtual reality that you can access through those boxes?" He pointed to the TV and Xbox.

"In a nutshell." I replied.

He nodded, still looking horribly confused. "Okay, I think I'm starting to understand…"

"MEGAN! JULIA!"

"Oh no- Alicia! We've got to hide him!" Julia said to me.

"We don't have anywhere _to_ hide him!"

"Quick- get him behind the back of the couch!"

I pointed and Altaïr hid behind the couch he had been laying on. Alicia walked into the gameroom.

I put on my best everything-is-normal expression and voice. "Hey, Alicia."

"Sup?" Julia said.

"The ceiling." Alicia replied.

"Har-har." I remarked dryly. Alicia went and sat on the couch. I prayed that she wouldn't look behind it.

"So, what were you two playing on the Xbox?"

"Oh, just some Assassin's Creed." Julia replied.

"AH-CHOO!" a sneeze came from behind the couch.

I facepalmed. Julia grimaced.

"Julia? Megan?"

"Ye-es?" We replied as innocently as possible.

"Cut the bullshit. Who's behind the couch?"

I facepalmed again. "Stand up, Altaïr. Could you have picked a worse time to sneeze?"

He stood up from behind the couch. It was a good thing Alicia was sitting on the couch because she looked at me, looked at Julia, looked at Altaïr- then fainted.  
Altaïr poked her. "Will she be alright?"

"She'll be fine." I walked over to the freezer, pulled out an ice cube, and set it on Alicia's neck.

Alicia snapped into alertness. "I'm-okay-what-happened?"

"You kinda blacked." Julia said while sitting down in the blue mushroom chair.

Alicia blinked. "Oh."

"Anyway, Altaïr, this is Alicia- Altaïr?"

Altaïr had taken this opportunity while I was distracted with Alicia to try and slip downstairs. My mom was at the computer in her workroom, and the next thing I knew I heard screaming.

I ran downstairs and grabbed Altaïr.

"What the hell, Altaïr!" I yelled and pulled him out of the workroom. I pushed him to Julia and went back in to calm my mother down, then typed in "Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad" into her Google search bar and told her to read up on him. Once my mom caught her breath, I led Altaïr back in.

"Altaïr, this is my mom, Mom, this is Altaïr."

Altaïr blinked- he was very confused. I pushed Altaïr back out the door. Julia led him back upstairs.

"Read the webpage, Mom. It'll help. I'll explain things later." I walked back upstairs and Altaïr looked at me.

"I'm hungry."

I looked at him. "Is now really the time?"

He shrugged. I shook my head, then walked downstairs and opened up the pantry. I grabbed a bag of Sun Chips and walked back upstairs before opening them and setting them in his lap.

"What are these?"

"Sun Chips. They're good. Just take one and put it in your mouth. But don't eat the whole bag." I said while turning back to watch Julia and give her pointers. Altaïr cautiously picked up a chip and put it in his mouth.

Soon I heard him munching and turned back to giving Julia pointers. Then Julia had a leap of faith gone wrong and died.

"That is not how one does a leap of faith." Altaïr said.

"Well if you think you're so good, you try it." Julia made him an account- she named it "Badass Assassin"- started the game over, and handed him the controller.

It took Altaïr a few moments to figure out how to work it and even then he had issues getting past the first memory. Altaïr hit the console this time, during a Desmond cutscene.

"No!" Julia and I yelled at the same time as another flash enveloped the room…


	2. Altaïr, Meet the Pool

Thank you for the wonderful feedback! Okay, here's chapter 2!

* * *

Once my vision cleared I saw Desmond before us, plain as day. Julia walked up to him and poked his arm, almost as if she was checking if he was real.

"Damn it, Altaïr!" I yelled upon seeing Desmond.

"Will you cut that out?" Desmond slapped Julia's hand away and she hid behind me.

"Julia, I am two inches shorter than you, and much smaller. Why are you hiding behind me?!"

"Hah, this is great. What group of Abstergo are you guys with?" Desmond said.

"We're not with Abstergo… In fact, there's no such thing… Well, there is Halliburton, but-" Alicia elbowed me mid-ramble.

Desmond looked around and saw Altaïr.

"Uh, Desmond… Meet your ancestor." I said. Then I looked to Altaïr. "Hey, when you dropped in you fainted. Why didn't he?"

Altaïr elbowed me. Desmond laughed.

"What is Abstergo?" Altaïr asked Desmond.

"Templars." Julia and I replied.

"They are?" Desmond and Altaïr turned to face us.

"Calm down, they're not real." Alicia said.

"Well this is great. We've got one guy from the past and another from the future. How the hell did that happen?" Julia said.

"A temperamental Xbox."

"So what do we do?"

"Kick the Xbox and hope it sends them back?"

"No! If hitting it brought them, I guess we'll have to be nice to it until it sends them back." I said.

"Well this is great… Although it does beat being holed up with creepy doc and Animus woman." Desmond said. Altaïr looked at him, confused. I laughed. Vidic _was_ creepy on several different levels. Lucy, not so much, but I had heard her life story dozens of times…

"Um…" I heard Altaïr speak and turned to face him. Alicia had him in an awkward hug, being very much the fangirl.

"Alicia, leave the poor man alone…" I said, prying her off. Desmond looked as if he was surveying his surroundings. His eyes rested on the bag of Sun Chips Altaïr had been munching on. Altaïr followed his gaze, then jumped to grab the bag at the same time Desmond did.

"I had the bag first!"

"Then it's my turn!"

I looked at Desmond and Altaïr fighting over the Sun Chips bag. I looked to Julia; she ran downstairs to get another bag.

"Hey!" I said, interrupting their argument. "We have more, okay? Just hold on a minute. Desmond, give Altaïr his bag back, we'll get you your own…"

Julia ran back up into the game room and tossed a bag at Desmond, who let go of Altaïr's bag and opened his own.

They sat at opposite ends of the couch, and Julia went back to playing. Alicia sat between Desmond and Altaïr. Altaïr edged away from her a little when she wasn't looking.

I sat on the sofa to the right and perpendicular to the couch, and continued giving Julia pointers. I saw Altaïr looking at the TV, enthralled by the game. I waved a hand in front of his face.

"Altaïr?"

"I wasn't watching myself in the box."

I blinked, trying to process what he'd said. I was sure he was trying to say, "I wasn't watching the TV," but I couldn't be sure.

"Um, okay." I said, leaning back against the armrest and watching Julia. "Anyway, Desmond, I'm Megan, that's Julia, and that's Alicia." I said, pointing to each of us in turn. Desmond nodded, mouth full of chips.

"Shit, Templar saw me!" Julia sent game-Altaïr running.

"Climb!" Altaïr spoke up.

"What?"

"That wall, climb up it!"

Julia swerved and climbed up the wall quickly. Her icon flashed to yellow and she dove into the handy rooftop garden.

"Dude! You may stink with the controller, but you know how to get me out of trouble!"

"I know Damascus." Altaïr leaned back against the couch, still munching on his Sun Chips. Okay, note to self. Altaïr likes Sun Chips, and so does Desmond…

"Hmm. The Xbox is getting kind of hot." Julia said.

"That's because there's so much stuff on top of it. Clear it off and lets go outside for a bit." I opened the back door to the deck.

"Know what we should do?" Julia said while looking over the edge to the pool in my backyard.

"What?" Alicia, Altaïr, Desmond, and I asked as the same time.

"Teach Altaïr how to swim."

Desmond looked to Altaïr. "You don't know how to swim?"

Altaïr remained silent, arms crossed.

"Silence is another way of saying-"

"Shut up, Desmond." Altaïr snapped.

Desmond laughed.

I ran back inside, sneaked into my brother's room, and grabbed two pairs of his swim trunks before running back outside.

"Altaïr, Desmond, take these and get changed. Alicia, Julia, get into your bathing suits. Altaïr is going to learn how to swim."

Ten minutes later, everyone was changed and back out on the deck.

"Altaïr, why are you still wearing your hood?!" I asked.

Altaïr shrugged.

"Why don't you take it off?"

"I don't feel like it."

Alicia led the way down the stairs and she jumped into the pool first, followed by Julia. There was a sudden whoop and a third body joined the two in the pool. Once the splash cleared, I saw Davey in the pool as well. Julia tried to dunk him as Desmond and Altaïr looked on. I took this opportunity to push both Desmond and Altaïr into the pool.

Desmond resurfaced with ease, but Altaïr sunk like a rock. I jumped in and pulled him to the surface.

"Keep air in your lungs and you won't sink."

Altair followed that piece of advice and at least stopped sinking. He grabbed onto my arm to prevent himself from sinking again.

"Good. Now kick your legs and move your arms." Alicia said.

"Do I have to?"

"Do you want to sink?"

"…"

"Hey Megan?"

"Yeah, Davey?"

"Am I dreaming?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"Because right now, I'm seeing Desmond and Altaïr from Assassin's Creed in your pool."

"Oh you're not dreaming."

"…?"

"Julia angered the Xbox and somehow brought Altaïr to our reality. Then Altaïr angered the Xbox and brought Desmond."

"…"

"…"

"Right."

"I'm serious."

"I'm not doubting, I'm just saying… okay."

"Okay." I said, and focused back on Altaïr, who was still holding onto my arm to stop from sinking. "Altaïr, can you please let me go?"

He shook his head frantically, still attached to my arm.

"Hey Altaïr, are you ticklish?"

"No!" He yelled and let go of my arm only to sink again. Julia and I swam down to get him. She took one of his arms and I grabbed the other, and we swam him back to the surface.

"Christ, Altaïr, relax." Julia said as we swam him to the wall.

Altaïr grabbed hold of the wall and tried to pull himself up but Julia and I kept him in the water.

"Look, just move your arms and kick your legs. It's so simple." Julia swam to the other wall and back.

Altaïr hesitated for a moment, then set out to imitate her. Julia and I swam alongside him, just in case he sunk again. Fortunately, he didn't.

"And that is how you swim." Julia said. "Now you won't drown just because you missed the boat in Acre."

Altaïr glared at us, and Alicia tried to pull his hood down. Altaïr swam for it. He jumped out of the pool, climbed up the play set next to the pool, and perched on the highest point.

"Kodak moment!" Davey yelled and grabbed his camera and got a picture of Altaïr perching.

I whispered to Julia and Desmond, noticing he was perching over the deep end. "Keep him distracted." I slipped out of the pool, and imitated Altaïr's climb. He was busy yelling at Desmond, and I pushed him into the water. He flailed in the air before landing with an awkward splash.

He surfaced. "What the hell was that for?!"

I swung my legs over the edge. "I felt like it."

* * *

If you would like to see Altaïr and Desmond in a certain situation, let me know! I'm always open to ideas.

- Ace of Aces 2.0


	3. Beware of Sleeping Assassins

Here we go, here we go, chapter 3!

* * *

After getting out of the pool and drying off, I walked into the living room to see that everyone else had beaten me to drying off and were sitting on the various pieces of furniture in the gameroom. Altaïr had fled from the couch and was now sitting in the chair ten feet in front and to the left of the couch. Julia was back in the mushroom chair in front of the TV, Alicia was across the couch from Desmond with Davey sitting in between. I sat back in the sofa, facing the TV. Altaïr was still holding his bag of Sun Chips.

"Altaïr, are you ever going to let go of those chips?"

"They taste good."

"Don't eat the whole bag. That would be _way_ too much fiber." Alicia cut in.

I shook my head, turning on the TV. There wasn't a whole lot to watch, but the 360 was still a little too warm for my taste. I unhooked the 360 and pulled out my original black Xbox, and grabbed Republic Commando.

"What's that?" Altaïr asked.

"It's an original Xbox." Desmond replied.

"You're going to learn how to play RC." I handed the controller to Altaïr, who stared at it.

"What do I do with it?"

Desmond facepalmed.

I talked Altaïr through what to do. I didn't think it was possible, but he died within the first five minutes.

"Dude, for a badass Assassin, you can't play video games worth shit." Desmond commented.

Altaïr ejected his hidden blade and turned to face Desmond while the game respawned him. "I could always _end_ our bloodline, Desmond…"

I mentally sweatdropped and gently guided Altaïr's blade arm _away_ from me. Altaïr threw the controller at Desmond.

"If you think you're so good, _you_ play it."

"Okay."

Desmond proceeded to _not _die within the first five minutes… In fact, he wasn't dying at all…

Altaïr looked rather miffed, but was still munching on the Sun Chips. Suddenly my mom called from downstairs.

"Fajitas, anyone?!"

"Have you gotten over the incident from earlier?!" I yelled back.

"I'm fine!"

"Good! Then cook for nine!"

"Who's the extra?!"

"Altaïr angered the Xbox!"

"…"

"…"

"So I'll cook for nine, then?!"

"Yeah!"

"Okay!"

"Thanks, Mom!"

Altaïr was looking at me in disbelief.

"What?"

"Why didn't you just go downstairs and speak to her?"

"…I am way too lazy to do that."

"What are fajitas?"

"Meat. Very good meat, unless you can't stand spicy." Julia said.

"…Ah."

I shook my head. If the girls at school saw me now…

Wait.

_Shit._

I had volleyball practice on tomorrow! And practices during the summer ended up being more like social gatherings for my class, most of them whom I hated. Even the _non-_volleyball players showed up. But I couldn't leave Altaïr and Desmond alone with Julia, Davey, and Alicia, for the three had almost set the house on fire last time I had left them home alone… Originally they had been going to leave before practice, but I didn't want to be left alone with Altaïr and Desmond. Talk about awkward… The three had called their parents and begged to stay for a few more days.

Lord, it was a good thing I knew how to drive the minivan…

"Julia."

"Yeah, Church?"

"I've got volleyball practice tomorrow."

"…"

"…"

"You're fucking screwed."

"Well you're just helpful…"

"I'll be guessing we'll be going with you?"

"Yeah, but what are we going to do about the Creed brothers over there?!"

"Well, Desmond's outfit is fine, but Altaïr is gonna need some new threads."

"He's not going to part with his hood. He didn't even take it off in the pool!"

"Get him a hoodie, then."

"…Why didn't I think of that?"

"Cause you're not me."

"I'm going to hit you now." I spring-loaded myself off of the couch and tackled Julia. Altaïr was probably blinking under his hood, and Desmond was laughing.

"Well you two are a bundle of help." I remarked dryly and sat back down on the sofa. "Okay, you lot, I've got volleyball practice tomorrow, and there's no way in hell I'm leaving you guys here alone. Just FYI, you're coming with me tomorrow."

"I thought you hated your class." Davey said.

"I do. But I like volleyball. Sports are fun. I'll put up with them for a few hours."

"Why do you hate your class? That's like what… 500 people to hate?" Desmond said, still playing the game.

"Not when your class is eighteen girls."

"Oh, that's bad. Small school?"

"You have no idea. Private school. _Tiny._"

"But you're a girl too…"

"Yeah, but I don't think about the Jonas Brothers, shopping, and boys every waking moment of my life."

"…That's kind of scary…"

"You have no idea. They tried to turn my locker pink once. It was war from there."

"Desmond, can I have my controller back? I wanna play." Julia whined.

"But I'm having fun!" Desmond said while he blew up another SBD.

"I'm thirsty. " Altaïr said.

"Since Desmond won't give me the controller, I'll give him an introduction to the refrigerator downstairs."

Julia and Altaïr disappeared downstairs. My mom yelled up about fifteen minutes later to say that the fajitas were ready. We went downstairs where Altaïr had skewered a piece of meat with his fork and Julia was convincing him to try it. Altaïr popped it into his mouth, and an expression akin to delight came over his face. He ran to get more.

"No running in the house!" My mom yelled from the next room.

Everyone filled their plates, got drinks, and went back upstairs.

" Let's watch a movie while we eat." I said.

"I vote Star Wars!" Julia yelled.

"One, two, or three?"

"Uh, maybe we should start from the beginning for these guys." Julia pointed to Altaïr and Desmond.

"One it is, then…"

I grabbed The Phantom Menace and popped it into the Xbox.

I looked around after Episode Three had finished. Davey was out cold, sprawled across his part of the couch. Alicia was asleep as well, but she'd migrated to the floor. Desmond was trying to get comfortable and trying to process what he'd just seen.

"Actually, I liked most of it, but did there have to be _that_ much romance?" Desmond cut into my thoughts.

"Funny, I thought that too…" Julia said.

I went to get blankets and put one on Davey and one on Alicia. Desmond said he'd rather have the floor and moved also. I went into my closet, grabbed the sleeping bag, and threw it at him, leaving him alone to get himself comfortable.

Then I noticed how quiet Altaïr had been.

"Altaïr hasn't said anything." I whispered to Julia.

"Do you think he's asleep?"

"Do you want to check?"

"It's your death wish."

I cautiously moved over to Altaïr. He looked asleep, arms crossed across his chest, head against the right headrest, and legs across the other.

I slowly moved to push his hood off to see if he was indeed asleep. As my hand touched the hood, his hand grabbed my wrist.

"Don't even think about it."

"Just trying to see if you were asleep. You got like a little person-about-to-take-off-my-hood radar or something?"

"What's a radar?"

"Never mind. Maybe you should move to the floor."

"Do you have any pillows?"

I left the room, went to mine, and grabbed any pillow I could find. I deposited them on the floor in front of him.

"Merry Christmas." I left him to make himself comfortable and threw a blanket and sofa cushion at Julia before heading back to the sofa with my own blanket. What a day…

* * *

Reviews= happy writer. Happy writer= faster updates!

For more detailed descriptions of Megan, Julia, Davey, and Alicia, see my profile. It's closer to the bottom.

-Ace of Aces 2.0


	4. The Metal Horse

Chapter 4!

* * *

I was awakened by an insistent shaking of my shoulder. It was Desmond, of all people. I blinked for a minute, trying to ascertain what Desmond Miles from 2012 was doing in my house. Then yesterday came back to me.

"Uh, Megan… I think Altaïr has a problem with angering objects not from his own time zone."

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"He clogged the toilet."

"Aw, fuck." I stood and walked over to the bathroom, where Altaïr was sitting on the countertop glaring at the toilet. "Altaïr, Desmond… what did you do?"

Desmond held up his hands in mock surrender. "I didn't do it, he did."

"That contraption doesn't like me." Altaïr grumbled.

"Go lay back down, you two."

Fifteen minutes of elbow grease later, the toilet was successfully unclogged.

"Altaïr, you need to stop touching things you don't know about." I said while walking out of the bathroom.

"I don't know about _anything_ in this time zone!"

"Then don't touch anything."

"Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful."

"Then at least ask questions…"

I showed them my computer, hoping they could use it to answer Altaïr's questions.

"Okay, first thing I'm gonna do is…" Desmond began typing in the search bar. P-O-R. His hand was poised over the "N" before I smacked him upside the head and backspaced.

I gave Altaïr my "World History for Dummies" book and told him to just type anything he had a question into the search bar and press enter.

"What's a search bar?"

Okay, so I _talked_ him through it. I left him with Desmond to wake up the others and get breakfast. My parents and brother were not around to cook anything. Fortunately, cereal was my specialty. I got out six bowls, then grabbed the Fruit Loops cereal box and doled out six servings. Then I got the milk and poured it into the bowls, the got six spoons and placed them by the bowls.

"Breakfast!" I yelled upstairs and heard the sound of stampeding elephants as the five rushed down. I took a bowl and noticed that the other bowls were caught up fast.

Altaïr looked unsure of what to do. He was watching the rest of us for a few moments before he figured it out.

"Food from the future is good." He remarked.

"And it gets better with time. Wait until 2011!" Desmond replied.

"What happens in 2011?" The rest of us chorused at once.

"You'll see." Desmond replied with a smirk.

I narrowed my eyes but kept eating.

I opened the dishwasher when we were all finished and piled the plates in. Then I ran upstairs to my brother's room. I grabbed a pair of jeans, some T-shirt I was too lazy to identify, and a blue and white hoodie. I threw them at Altaïr and told him to get changed.

"Do I have to take off my hidden blade?"

"Depends, can I trust you not to shank anyone while we're out?"

"I'm not that bad-tempered…"

"Hide it under your sleeve, then. And if anyone asks about your missing finger, bad accident with a bread knife, okay?"

"…Okay… Why can't I just tell them-?"

"Dude, normal people don't walk around with a missing finger." Davey cut in.

"Exactly." I added before pushing him into the bathroom. "Get changed. And don't break the toilet again!"

I walked into my room to get changed for volleyball. I grabbed a pair of basketball shorts- I wasn't a fan of short shorts, I just didn't understand the point.

"They keep you cooler!" Ashley –one of my classmates- had said. "Besides, the boys love it!"

"Since when do I care what the jackasses here think?" I'd remarked dryly. "Besides, too much skin screams 'attack me'. And pepper spray isn't always going to save you."

I walked out of my room ten minutes later, changed. The rest of the group was waiting for me in the gameroom.

"Let's go." I said, grabbing the keys from a hook in the hall by my room. I led the parade downstairs

"Shotgun!" Desmond, Alicia, Julia, and Davey yelled at once.

"What's 'shotgun'?" Altaïr asked me.

"Front passenger seat in a car."

"What's a car?"

"You'll see."

We walked outside and to the minivan. I made sure enough seats were set up so we could all fit and turned to the group.

"So who's got shotgun?"

There was another chorus of shotgun. I shook my head.

"Okay, thinking of a number between one and fifteen… Got it." My number was six.

I turned to Davey first.

"Two."

I turned to Julia.

"Eight."

I turned to Desmond.

"Eleven."

I turned to Alicia.

"Thirteen."

I turned to Altaïr. He looked at me for a few moments before speaking.

"Six."

What was he, a fucking mind-reader?! "Number was six."

"Aww…" The rest of the group chorused. I unlocked the doors and got in the driver's seat. Altaïr looked unsure of what to do. I pointed to the passenger door and he walked around to it. A few minutes of wrestling with the door handle later, he opened it and sat in the passenger seat while the other four climbed into the backseats.

"Seatbelts!" I called. I heard four clicks before doing up my own.

"What's a seatbelt?" Altaïr asked.

Julia, who was sitting behind him, undid her seatbelt, leaned forward, and grabbed the seatbelt before handing it to Altaïr before buckling in again.

"Okay, bring it across your body."

He did so.

"Now, under your hand is a red thing with a little slot. Put the metal part into that slot."

Altaïr looked, but was still confused by my directions. I took the seatbelt from him and buckled him in before starting up the car.

I pulled out of the driveway. Five minutes passed in silence before I turned on the radio. It was on BBC news on the satellite radio and figured that it would be good way for the Creed brothers (The name I'd given them) to catch up on recent global events. Something about the war in Iraq popped up and I could almost imagine Altaïr's eye-roll.

"It seems the Holy Land is as adept with peace as it's always been."

"Got that right." I replied. "Okay, you two are brothers, if anyone asks why you look so similar."

Desmond and Altaïr nodded.

"Are we there yet?" Desmond asked.

"Shut up, Desmond." I replied. "We'll be there in ten minutes."

Desmond nodded. Five minutes later Altaïr spoke. "Has it been ten minutes yet?"

"No." I replied. "Still five more minutes to go."

Three minutes later, both of them spoke.

"Are we there yet?"

"Christ!" I yelled. "Does it look like we're there yet?!"

They were quiet and I pulled into the school parking lot.

I shut off the engine and mentally composed myself. This was either going to be very interesting or very scary.

"Can I operate this metal horse on the way back?" Altaïr asked.

"This is not a 'metal horse'. It is a car. No, you cannot drive." I said, forcing my voice even.

"I watched you drive it for the past twenty minutes! I know how to operate it."

"No. And if you steal my keys, I will shank you _with_ _your own blade_!"

"Alright, alright…" Altaïr held up his hands in mock surrender.

It was quiet. I was about to step out when Desmond spoke.

"Can _I_ drive on the way back?"

I banged my head against the steering wheel.

* * *

Megan might teach Altaïr how to drive later- but it'll be in the front pasture and I doubt she'll _ever_ let him out on the road.

Besides, would _you_ ever let Altaïr out on the road in your car?

-Ace of Aces 2.0


	5. Practice Makes Perfect

Thank you everyone for all of the amazing feedback! Here is your reward:

* * *

"Megan, you're here!"

"Leave me alone, Ashley."

"Who're all the people behind you?"

"Why don't you ask them?" I replied, sitting down to pull on my kneepads.

"I'm Julia!" Julia bounced forward. "That's Altaïr, that's Desmond, that's my annoying brother, and that's Donut!"

"My name is Alicia!"

"And I'm David."

"Happy now?" I asked.

Ashley suddenly grabbed a lock of my hair. "You should straighten your hair one day."

"For Christ's sake, leave me alone!" I swatted her hand away.

"Ashley!!" A voice called her from across the room. Ashley ran off and I finished pulling on my kneepads.

"Are you sure you don't want me to shank her for you?" Altaïr asked me.

"As tempting as that offer is, I'll have to pass." I shooed them off to the bleachers and Altaïr looked at them like they were going to eat him.

"They're like benches, only they're all connected and they rise as you get higher." I said in response to his expression.

Altaïr nodded and sat next to Desmond. Julia sat next to Altaïr, Davey sat next to Desmond, and Alicia sat on the bleacher in front. I walked onto the court and saw the other girls milling around, waiting for Coach.

"Are we here for a social gathering or are we here to practice? Come on, we have the same warm-up every practice, let's get started and maybe we won't have to run suicides later."

Not running suicides would be a gift from God. And if Coach was happy, then we didn't have to run them. We started on our laps.

Coach came in as we finished stretching.

"Good, you're all already stretched! Alright, pepper for a bit and then we're going to start on drills."

"Um, Megan?"

"I'm busy, Julia!" I currently had my back to the group.

"Seriously, I think you should look."

I caught the ball and turned. No amount of mental bracing could have prepared me for what I saw next. If you thought Alicia was a bad fangirl, then wait till you hear this.

Altaïr was surrounded by every non-volleyball-playing female in the gym. He was looking at me with an expression akin to panic, and Desmond was trying to hide. I threw the ball to Shelby, who I'd been peppering with, and jogged over to the mob.

"Fuck off, come on." I yelled to all of them, pushing my way through the crowd much like Altaïr would have done.

"Ohmigosh, Megan, is that your boyfriend?!" Cathryne, one of my classmates, said.

"No, he's not my boyfriend." I pushed her aside and reached Altaïr. I grabbed his wrist and Desmond's; Desmond grabbed Davey who grabbed Alicia while Altaïr grabbed Julia.

I pulled them through the crowd and sat them down on the other side of the gym. The mob followed us.

"Oh my God, will you all fuck off?!" I heard Desmond yell.

Altaïr suddenly got a bright idea. He pulled down his sleeve and showed them his left hand with the missing finger.

Unfortunately, as our dear Altaïr will soon learn, fear of blood and gore was very last century… Morbid curiosity was the norm now…

"Ohmigod, you lost a finger?!" Katrina said. "How did it happen? Oh, you poor thing…"

I facepalmed. Altaïr looked terrified as they swarmed him more than before, all wanting a look at his hand. Altaïr stood, vaulted off of the bleachers, and climbed up the basketball goal.

Desmond was laughing and Altaïr shot him a glare from on top of the goal.

"Christ, Altaïr. I give up…" I said before walking back to Shelby.

Unfortunately, where Altaïr was ended up being the spot that all of the misplaced balls flew to. I turned and saw a volleyball smack him upside the head after he tried to bat it away. I think the other girls were aiming for him now just so that way they would get to walk over to them and then they could try and strike up a conversation. Altaïr, wisely, did not respond to any of their comments and then sat on the large pole that connected the backboard of the goal to the goalpost. Fortunately, this also shielded him from the girls' attempts to aim in his direction. Unless there was a group partner passing off of the court, but that be the case there was no escape for him…

But of course all of the boys who had come to the practice just so they could watch girls run around in spandex tried to imitate Altaïr on the other goal. I'm not really sure if it was a bruised ego issue or they just wanted to show off, but, needless to say, with their collective IQ of around 42, it wasn't going very well. I saw Alicia cautiously get out her cell phone for when the bones started breaking.

Then they became furious in their futile attempts and walked over to the other goal to try and goad Altaïr into coming down. Altaïr ignored them as well. In fact, he seemed to be ignoring everything pretty well…

I walked over with a volleyball and chunked it at him. If he had been awake, he would have swatted it away, but as it was…

_Thud. _"What the hell?!"

"…You fell asleep up there, didn't you?"

"I was just resting my eyes… Damned lights…"

"Ohmigod, he came down!"

"AHH!!" Altaïr leaped up to the pole he had been perching on again, clinging to it like it was his only lifeline.

Actually, it probably was… I'd never thought Altaïr could be terrified… then again, who wouldn't be in this loony bin…

"Megan, does he always play hard to get?" Jordan asked me.

"Don't make me hit you…"

Needless to say, practice wasn't very productive that day…

As I was changing my shoes with the rest of the team, I turned down all of the girls' attempts to convince me to let them give me a makeover.

"I think you would look so cute in orange!"

"No."

"Pink?"

"No."

"Baby blue?"

"No."

"You're such a weirdo, you know that?"

"Well, shut the fuck up and DEAL WITH IT!!!!" I yelled the last part of my sentence. I finally pulled on my other shoe and stood before looking up at Altaïr.

"Get down here, we've gotta go."

Altaïr climbed down and then hid behind Desmond before anyone else could see that he was on the ground again.

I started for the door, but noticed I was two people short.

Altaïr and Desmond were examining a volleyball.

"Can I shank it?" He asked.

"Not a good idea." Desmond said.

"It'll satisfy my need to shank something."

"You can shank something when we get home." I replied.

"Aww…" He threw the ball into the ball basket as I walked out the door. I just wanted to get the hell out of here...

* * *

I might have to take a crack at drawing Altaïr on top of the basketball goal- I've been laughing too hard at the mental image and it's making my sides hurt...

Ideas always welcome!

-Ace of Aces 2.0


	6. WalMart

Hello, hello, hello, here I am again with the muse beating me over the head as usual. My muse is evil.

* * *

"Where are we going now?" Altaïr said from the passenger seat after noticing that I was taking a different route.

"Wal-Mart."

"Wal-Mart?"

"I bet it's run by Templars." Desmond muttered.

Julia hit him upside the head and I turned the radio to the rock station. Sound of Madness by Shinedown was playing. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat and saw that Altaïr was tapping his foot to the beat. I turned it up a little.

_I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain, somehow-_

"The music from the future is a lot louder than the music from 1191."Altaïr said.

"Damn straight." Desmond replied.

Altaïr looked to me. "Can I push a button?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You don't know what any of the buttons do."

"I could find out if I was allowed to push them."

"No. With your technological ineptitude, you'd break something."

He held his hand over the volume knob. "Can turn this knob?"

"No."

He held his hand over the A/C control. "What about this one?"

"No."

Altaïr looked to the radio preset buttons. "Why are there numbers?"

"So you don't get confused when you want to listen to a certain station."

"Can I push one of them?"

"No."

Altaïr leaned on the armrest connected to the door. He saw the button that opened the window. And he didn't ask for permission before he pushed it. The window rolled down. He pushed it again. It rolled up. I guess it was amusing to him, for he kept pushing the button and rolling the window up and down. I let him do it. It would make him stop badgering me about which button he could push.

I continued to drive, Altaïr playing with the window, Davey asleep, Alicia asking Desmond strange questions about 2012, and Julia poking Davey.

"How does One Tree Hill end?" I heard Alicia ask.

"I never watched that show." Desmond replied.

"What about Secret Life of the American Teenager?"

"I never watched that one either."

"General Hospital?"

"Never watched it."

"Did you watch any TV?"

"Not much, all the shows were on while I was out working. Bartender, remember?"

"…"

"…"

"Anyway," I cut in. "Get Davey awake. We'll be at Wal-Mart in a few."

"Few what?" Altaïr asked, _still_ playing with the goddamned window.

"Minutes. Few minutes."

"Oh. Why didn't you just say so?"

"Oh, just shut up." I was seventeen and probably about to have an aneurysm. Not enjoyable…

I pulled into the parking lot and pulled into a spot. Everyone stepped out. Altaïr looked to the top of the building.

"Can I climb it?"

"No."

"I just want a look around."

"No."

"Please?"

"No." I led the way inside. I saw Altaïr looking up at the ceiling to the little windows in the roof.

"This place isn't very secure."

"It's like a bazaar, okay?"

"A bazaar that's indoors?"

"Yes."

He shrugged. "Alright. I'll just add that to my list of 'Strange Things I've Seen in 2009'. Can I go look around without climbing?"

"I suppose- but Julia's going with you."

"Yay!" I heard Julia's voice behind us as she ran to take Altaïr to the video games section. Davey went with Desmond to the music section, leaving me with Alicia to do the actual shopping. I had my mom's debit card, so all I had to do was think of how much and what kinds of food we would require. Alicia and I went to get a cart and got started, getting everything we thought would be necessary- and we made sure to get the bulk sizes. Davey barely ate anything, but if my brother was any example for the other two we needed to get _plenty_ of food.

We were in the snack section when Julia came racing up to me.

"Megan, we've got a problem."

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "What kind of problem?"

"I left Altaïr alone so I could grab something and next thing I know, he's gone! I managed to find him, but..."

"But what?"

"Altaïr has figured out how to climb in the furniture section."

I facepalmed; could that man ever keep his feet on the ground? "Lead the way. Alicia, go check on Desmond and Davey."

Alicia ran off to find the two and Julia led me to Altaïr. He was sitting in a chair, feet propped up on the armrest. He looked down at us.

"This isn't very high up."

"If you'd wanted height, you should have climbed the bike racks." I said sarcastically. "Now get down from there."

"I'm comfortable."

"You're drawing attention."

"Are there any guards?"

"No."

"Then I can draw attention."

My eye began to twitch dangerously. This was just plain _infuriating_ for some reason. Maybe I was PMS-ing…

I soon found myself up on top of the display stands also, walking up to Altaïr. He looked up at me.

"Now you're the one drawing attention."

"Shut up and get your feet on the floor before I make you."

"I'm comfortable."

Maybe annoyance gave me faster reflexes; I'll never know. But what I do know was that I managed to evade the inevitable hand-swat and grab his ear. I yanked him into a standing position and began to lead him off of the platform.

"Ow, ow, ow-"

"Well if you hadn't have gotten up on the platform maybe this wouldn't have happened." I felt more like I was dragging my nonexistent kid brother than Altaïr, a Master Assassin. How odd. Anyway, I unceremoniously shoved him off of the platform. He still landed on his feet, and I jumped off, landing slightly more awkwardly. Julia came with the cart. I took it from her and kept half an eye on Altaïr while using the other one and a half eyes to look for Davey, Desmond, and Alicia. I headed for the loudest part of the store- besides the checkout- and found them in the music section, listening to Papa Roach. Alicia didn't even _like_ rock music, why had she stuck around?

Julia ran over to them and began rocking out as well. Altaïr looked at me.

"Is it some sort of futuristic tradition that compels them to move like that?"

"Honestly, I don't know. With them, acting weird is normal."

"Weird is normal… right…"

I shook my head and yelled to the four rockers. "Get your asses over here before I leave you here to walk home!"

There was the sound of four people running back over to us. I sighed, exasperated, and headed for the checkout. It took a while, but with five scouts running around it wasn't hard for me to find a relatively short line. Altaïr looked curiously at the ever-present magazines in the checkout line.

"Who's Britney Spears?"

"A mental singer." I replied.

"And who's Oprah?"

"A talk show host."

"What's a talk show?"

"I'll explain later. It's not that crucial right now."

"Alright. Who's Queen Latifah? Does she rule this province, or something?"

"No. She's an actor."

Altaïr continued to ask me questions on who was who and what was what. I was glad I watched TMZ- at least I knew who the people were, even if I wasn't a fan of any of them. I paid for the groceries and the cart was loaded back up for the trip back to the car. I almost lost the group again in the parking lot. Mental note to self- never take these guys to Schlitterbahn…

* * *

So, what have we learned today?

Never leave Altaïr alone in Wal-Mart.

-Ace of Aces 2.0


	7. The Galleria

Okay, guys, after this I will be headed to Australia for two weeks, so there will be a short hiatus.

* * *

"Altaïr."

He remained a log.

"Altaïr!"

Still a log.

I rolled my eyes with an exasperated sigh. One of my…darling… classmates had "borrowed" my class ring without my knowing and had called, the next day, and told me that she was willing to give it back to me… at a price. The price?

I must walk through the Galleria with a pink, orange, and other pastel-coloured item on my person.

I was going to die.

They'd taken the ring while I was trading off shoes during volleyball practice. It'd been a joint effort, as the rest had tried to impress another makeover on me while one of them had slipped their sticky fingers into my bag and had taken it.

Assholes. I was beginning to seriously consider taking up Altaïr's offer on shanking them.

"Altaïr!"

No response.

"Is he awake yet?" Davey poked his head in.

"Nope." I said, poking Altaïr. He looked rather undignified, quite literally sprawled out face up across my bed, snoring quite loudly, with a skein of drool trailing out the left corner of his mouth and down the side of his face. He'd crashed there last night and I had been too tired to move him. "He looks like you when you sleep."

All I got was the finger in reply. Julia walked up behind Davey and smacked him in the head.

"Come on, we have to get there by eleven-thirty." She said.

"Well, we could leave if Lazy Ass over here would haul himself up." Davey said.

"Desmond!" I called, an idea dawning.

Desmond poked his head in. "Yeah?"

"How did anyone ever wake you up in the mornings?"

"With a very loud alarm clock."

"I have an iPhone."

"That could work. Use the 'Alarm' ringtone."

I held the speaker to Altaïr's ear and played the ringtone. It sounded like the type of alarm the armed forces would use to alert the entire base of an attack. Unfortunately, it also scared the living daylights out of Altaïr.

"AAH!!" He flew out of bed and landed in an ungainly heap on the floor. I turned off the alarm and looked down at him.

"Morning, Sunshine."

"I hate you so much right now."

"The feeling is mutual." I prodded him with my foot. "Get up. Desmond's gonna show you where I left breakfast while I get changed."

"We're going somewhere, I assume?"

"Yes, and so help me God, if you climb any buildings while we're there, I will kill you in your sleep."

---

Desmond landed shotgun this time, leaving Altaïr to sulk in the back where he had no roll down window to amuse himself with. I almost popped in a DVD and order the four to watch it like little kids.

Almost.

But I didn't. Instead Julia occupied him by asking him questions about, of all people, Malik.

"Did you and Malik grow up together or had you just met him on that mission under Solomon's Temple?"

"What brought this on?"

"I'm curious."

"Curiosity killed the camel…"

"I'm not a camel, though, am I?"

Altaïr sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Grew up with him. Roommates."

"Was he always super studious?"

"Yes."

"Was he always drawing maps?"

"Not always maps, but, yes."

"Was he always-"

"Yes, yes, and _yes_, for crying out loud!"

"Calm down or I'll start calling you Alty." I said.

"You wouldn't." Some of the color drained from what part of his face I could see.

"Watch me."

Altaïr shut his mouth and kept it that way for the remainder of the trip. That is, until we reached William's Tower. He looked up at it.

"That's the tallest building I've ever seen. Why is it so shiny?"

"The windows."

"Oh. Can I climb it?"

"No! There's not even any handholds!"

"Can I find a way to get to the top?"

"Will it shut you up?"

"Maybe."

"Fine. My dad can find a way to get us to the roof _later_. Right now I have to face torture."

"It's just a few odd colors, it can't be _that_ bad."

"It is when you're me."

---

"I'm going to murder you. Very painfully and in your sleep."

"Oh shush, it's not that bad…"

"You're not me so you don't know how I feel about pink, orange, and pastels!"

I donned the necklace, bracelet and another bracelet that were handed to me by Shelby. Not the Shelby on the volleyball team, the one _not_ on the volleyball team who's the biggest bitch I'd ever had the misfortune to meet. We'd been at odds since sixth grade. The necklace was orange, the bracelet on the right arm was pink, and the bracelet on the left was some sort of baby blue.

I heard a snicker behind me and identified it as Desmond. I stamped on his foot. He screamed a profanity and hopped on one foot over to a bench.

"Oh, suck it up. I didn't step on it _that_ hard."

He gave me the finger and stood; gingerly putting weight on his injured foot. I rolled my eyes.

"Shelby, so help me God, if you try to give me a makeover today I will-" I had to pause in order to restrain myself from saying "Convince Altaïr to shank you."

"Will what?"

"Give you a very broken nose and maybe break a few other things as well."

"What happened to the death threat?"

"It still stands."

"Mmn-hmm. Anyway…"

She began leading us up the mall, me mentally cursing the entire time. This was definitely not my day. I was so busy fuming that I hadn't noticed she'd lagged back a little and now walked alongside Altaïr, trying to make small talk.

Fuck. I had a feeling I knew where this was going. I would bet my Assassin's Creed game that she was flirting.

We stopped in front of the Abercrombie and Fitch store. Shelby was about to drag me in.

"I am not going in there." I planted my feet and became a temporary tree. She tried to bodily drag me into the store but failed. She huffed.

"Well, I can't go in there by myself!"

Another thing. Shelby is very good at getting what she wants. Her eyes scanned the rest of the group. They settled on Altaïr. I reigned in my exasperated sigh and settled for holding my head in my hand. She grabbed Altaïr's arm, who gave a small squeak before being dragged into the store. I sat outside.

"Now what?" Desmond asked.

"We wait and we pray."

"No rescue attempt?"

"I sure as hell ain't goin' in there."

* * *

Will Altaïr survive Shelby and Abercrombie and Fitch? Will any of the others try and work up the guts to go in and rescue him?

For some reason, the muse is doubting the latter.

-Ace of Aces 2.0


	8. There's No Haystack!

Altaïr blinked as he was dragged into the store that Megan had refused to go into.

"What do you think of this?" Shelby held up something and pressed it against herself.

Altaïr blinked. Why did it smell in here? "It looks... nice?" Altaïr truly didn't care.

"What about this?" Shelby held up something else.

Altaïr blinked again.

---

I sat outside Abercrombie and Fitch, waiting for Altaïr to come out with Shelby. As bad as I felt for the man, I REALLY didn't want to go in after Altaïr. Desmond poked me.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't think he'll survive in there."

"He'll be fine."

"We really should go in after him."

"I'm not going in there without a gas mask."

Julia looked at me. "Come on, we can't just leave him in there and at the mercy of Shelby."

I rolled my eyes. Way to try and make me feel bad, guys. The only problem is that my soul was removed to make room for all of my sarcasm.

Desmond poked me again.

"Will you cut that out?!"

Desmond's lip curled into a smirk, and I could see the light bulb go off over his head. He began poking me.

"Stop it!"

"Not unless we go into that possessed store and rescue my ancestor."

I was silent. Desmond kept poking me. I slowly got fed up. "Fine! We'll go into the haunted place and rescue Altaïr." I stood, took a deep breath, and headed into the store.

---

Altaïr turned to his name being called. He saw Megan shoving her way through other customers as she went through, grabbed Altaïr's and Shelby's arms, and bodily dragged them out of the store. Shelby whined, much to Altaïr's chagrin, and Megan pulled them out of the store.

---

"Nice way to get them out." Davey remarked dryly. I shot him a glare.

"If I EVER go into that store again, it will be WAY too soon."

"But WHY did you drag me out?? Altaïr and I were having SUCH a good time-"

"Shelby."

"What?"

"Shut up." I turned and stalked off, discarding the pink and pastel item. Julia, Alicia, Davey, Desmond, and Altaïr followed me. Altaïr caught up to me and tapped my shoulder.

"What?" I turned to look.

Altaïr held out his hand.

And in his hand, was my class ring.

Part of me was shocked. Another part of me screamed, "WHY didn't you do that in the FIRST place?!"

"You were right. That girl was insane."

"Got that right." I slipped the ring back on my finger.

"You DO have a soul!" Julia saw Altaïr give me back my ring. She practically glomped him, except Altaïr was strong enough to remain standing. Davey peeled her off.

"So, Alty-"

"DON'T call me that."

"-still want to go to William's Tower?"

I saw his eyes light up at the prospect of a viewpoint. Desmond merely rolled his.

"Back to the car, I guess?"

"Yup!" Julia replied. Let's go!"

---

One short drive later, and a swiped elevator roof access card (My dad picked it up on accident one day, never got around to returning it. I claimed it as my own.) We were on the roof of one of the tallest buildings in Houston. Altaïr jogged to the edge and looked over. He kept looking for a few minutes, then looked like he was about to jump. Desmond tackled him before he could.

"What was that for?!" Altaïr sputtered.

"There's no haystack at the bottom, you dumbass!"

"…Oh."

---

I LIIIIIVVVVVEEEEEEE!!!!! So so so so sorry about the atrociously long wait. And I know it's short, but more will follow!

Also, check out my poll. Has to do with the course of this story, mainly the appearance of certain characters.

-Ace of Aces 2.0


	9. Not Again

You voted, and here is your results!

---

The drive home was long, so I won't go into too much detail about it. However, right before I pulled into the driveway, Altaïr spoke up.

"So, Des, why exactly did you save me?"

"There was no haystack at the bottom."

"So? You could have just let me fall."

"If you had died, I wouldn't exist. I like existing, thank you!"

"Oh."

I rolled my eyes. I pulled up to the house and shut the car off, before climbing out along with everyone else. I opened the front door. There was a Gamestop bag on the banister of the stairway, with a note attached.

_Megan-_

_Since you're doing so well at keeping that crazy assassin and his friend under control, as I haven't gotten a call from the police yet, I got you a little something._

_-Mom_

I opened the bag- with caution in case it was a trap the rest of the group had planned- and looked inside.

Nestled in the bag was a game seconded only by its original.

Assassin's Creed II.

I refrained from screaming and jumping up and down with excitement. Altaïr and Desmond were peering over my shoulder to see what could have captured my attention for so long.

"He looks like me." Altaïr spoke up.

"That could be taken as conceited." Desmond replied.

"What-is-it-what-is-it-what-is-it-what-is-it-what-is-it??" Julia _was_ jumping up and down. I showed her. She proceeded to do what I had refrained from. She snatched the game from my hands and ran up the stairs, faster than Roadrunner could ever have hoped to run. I jogged after her. "I get dibs!" I screamed.

"Too late!" Julia called from the gameroom.

The entire group finally made it up the stairs, and settled in their usual places in the gameroom. Altaïr on the chair, Julia in the blue mushroom one, Desmond on one side of the loveseat, Alicia on the side of the couch closest to Desmond, and Davey on the opposite side of the couch. I sat on the opposite side of the loveseat. Julia was engrossed in Assassin's Creed II, and I knew I wasn't going to get her off of it anytime soon, so I merely watched her. Lucy could kick some ass if she was inclined to.

"Remind me to listen to Lucy more." Desmond's jaw was hanging open.

"Listen to Lucy more." Julia muttered, eyes never leaving the TV screen. She kept playing. And playing. And playing. And playing.

So much so that the rest of the group fell asleep save for me, Julia, and Altaïr. Right as Leonardo da Vinci looked as if he was going to chop Ezio's finger off, the worst happened.

The Xbox… froze.

It didn't red-ring-of-death, it just froze.

Julia yelled in frustration. I knew I had to calm her down before-

"Stupid Xbox!"

Altaïr looked at her, startled, then shut his eyes.

I muttered a colorful curse, and did the same. But I could see the bright flash even through my hands and eyelids, and I knew what had happened.

When the light cleared, I saw not one, but _two_ more people who didn't belong. Ezio was unconscious. Leonardo was looking around, bright-eyed and curious. "I say, where are we?"

"Shit."

---

The bright light had woken the rest of the group up. Desmond was rubbing his eyes and yawning. Leonardo was talking ten miles a minute about theories on how they had gotten here, where was here, and would these people enjoy pasta, and if so, what kinds of pasta?

Altaïr blinked, and so did I, while Julia and Alicia had taken to poking Ezio. Davey sat through it, unperturbed.

Ezio slowly woke, rubbing his head and looking around. What was it with Assassins and showing up in this world unconscious?

"Leonardo?"

"Yes Ezio?"

"Where are we?"

"I don't know, but isn't this exciting? New place, it looks like a new time-"

"If that is your definition of exciting, then yes, this is exciting." Ezio interrupted before the genius could ramble further. He looked around at the group. "So where are we?"

"You're in the future, settle with that." Desmond replied.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Megan, the two poking you are Julia and Alicia, the one on the sofa is David, or Davey, and that's your God-knows-how-many-great's-grandson Desmond, and that's your great-great-great-great-maybe-another-great grandpa Altaïr."

Ezio fainted again. Julia and Alicia resumed poking him.

Leonardo beamed. "I think he's taking this quite well!"

---

Gotta love Leo. He's like a little kid when he gets excited... And maybe Ezio will like Sun Chips.

-Ace of Aces 2.0


	10. The Shower

I live! Have been quite busy, but now it's spring break! Yay!

And now, the story.

* * *

We moved Ezio to the couch and once he came to, he awoke with a screech.

"Leonardo I had the most terrible dream! There was this light and then I woke up somewhere and then you said that it was exciting but it really wasn't and then I saw Altaïr and some guy called Desmond who was like my grandson and then there were these other creepy people but one of the girls was older and I really wouldn't mind seducing her but then they said we were in the future and then I passed back out." Ezio said in one breath, his words running together slightly. He took a deep breath afterwards; then looked around as I glared at his comment, which I'd barely understood but had gotten the gist of.

"_Amico-_" Leonardo started.

"It wasn't a dream, was it?"

"No."

"Please don't pass back out again." Altaïr commented.

Ezio glared at him.

Altaïr ignored the death stare and looked to me. "I want a bath."

"You mean a shower?" I replied.

"Whatever."

I rolled my eyes and led the way him to the bathroom. I gave him a brief tutorial of the shower –and the toilet- before I heard a crash in the gameroom. During my mad panic attack, I forgot two things: One, to tell the rest of the group that Altaïr was in the shower, and two, to lock the bathroom door.

Oops.

---

At least the shower was blue, instead of pink or some other outrageous color, ï mused. That Abercrombie place in that giant market had been bad enough. Altaïr picked up the bottle labeled "Shampoo." He turned the bottle around and saw the directions.

"It's for my hair?" He wondered out loud. Then he heard the door creak open.

---

Julia bounced in, ear buds in her ears and jamming out to some sort of loud music. She was so distracted that she didn't notice the steam or the sound of the water. However, she did notice clothes on the floor.

"Hello?"

---

It was _finally_ my turn to play Assassin's Creed II. The game was quite complex, and it didn't feel like we were very far into it. Then again, I went on massive searches for the feathers and Julia liked to beat up the cheating husbands. I continued playing, racing a nearby thief.

Then I heard a scream.

A _male_ scream.

Oh dear…

I got up and went over to the bathroom and opened the door to find Julia laughing and Altaïr screaming. I dragged Julia out of the bathroom, but the others had decided to see what all the fuss was about. Desmond face palmed before going to sit back down. Alicia fainted. Davey seemed nonplussed. Ezio, however, had taken to following me around, and Leonardo was busy examining the "contraptions" in the bathroom, furthering Altaïr's embarrassment. Then Leonardo did the worst thing he could.

He flushed the toilet.

Altaïr screeched again and practically flew out of the shower, thankfully grabbing a towel to cover… you get the point.

Leonardo didn't help the situation by being completely oblivious to Altaïr's trauma and to what had happened. I pulled everyone out of the bathroom as Julia decided that the wanted a closer look at Leonardo's hat. She swiped it.

"Hey!"

Julia was busy examining the hat. She tried it on.

"Does it go like this?" She asked.

"No, it goes like this." Leonardo came and adjusted it. Then he stepped back. "On second thought, red isn't your color." He took it back, put it back on, and put a purple beret on Julia. "Still a no…"

As Julia and Leonardo played with their hats, Davey decided this would be a good opportunity for another hat swipe. He swiped Leonardo's red hat and tried to sneak off with it. Unfortunately for him, Leonardo noticed and started trying to get it back. Unfortunately, he looked puppy-dog-or-baby-kitty-type cute trying to do so, so I swiped the hat back and gave it to Leonardo, trying to ignore the fact that when he got excited he looked like a little, cute puppy. And I liked puppies. And kitties.

Shut up, I know what you're thinking.

Back to the story.

We sat, suitably calmed, and I continued playing ACII, Ezio giving the occasional instruction. I was glad I wasn't wearing a tight shirt, because I could practically _feel_ his eyes.

Ezio's eyes, fortunately, were turned away from me when Altaïr walked in, cheeks flushed bright red from what I could see under the hood. Julia started guffawing again and Altaïr sat, clearly trying his best to ignore Julia.

"So, Grandpa," Ezio said, stifling a snicker. "Have a nice shower?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

* * *

Malik will appear, I promise! I'm not sure about Lucy yet, I'm still mulling over her.

Till next time,

Ace of Aces 2.0


	11. Premier Malik

"So, Grandpa, which game are you from?" Ezio asked Altaïr.

Altaïr, surprisingly, didn't react to being called Grandpa. He wordlessly held up Assassin's Creed I. Ezio took it from him.

"Megan, I want to play this game!" Ezio whined.

"What's creepy is how we are the same age, but you have half of my maturity." I remarked dryly.

"Leonardo, convince her to let me play it!"

"Ezio, why are you asking me?" Leonardo paused from examining the remote.

"…I don't know, really…"

"Will it shut you up?" I replied darkly.

"Maybe…"

I saved my game then went back to the Xbox main menu before pulling out the AC II game and slipping in its predecessor. I gave him a brief tutorial- which I don't think he entirely grasped- and let him take over at the first time Altaïr was to meet Malik in Jerusalem.

"It stopped! I was about to talk to that guy too! You stupid contraption-"

There was the thud of Ezio hitting the Xbox, and the group screaming "NOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Then came the flash of light.

---

I opened my eyes and saw a one-armed, very angry man trying to strangle Altaïr. Desmond grabbed said man and hauled him off of Altaïr only to be attacked by said man. Ezio pulled the man off of Desmond, only to also be attacked. Altaïr pulled the man off of Ezio.

"Malik?"

"How is there three of you, novice?!"

"There's not three of me! That's Desmond and Ezio!"

"Why do they look like you?!"

"I don't know, maybe because they're related to me!"

"Don't play tricks, novice!"

"I'll show you novice-."

"Boys!" I barked, hoping to grab their attention.

Malik's head turned to face me as Altaïr had him by the collar.

"Altaïr, where are we?"

"In the future, Malik."

"You're playing tricks."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"_Sangue di Giuda_!" Ezio yelled, apparently as tired of the noise as I was. Ezio grabbed Leonardo's hat and began whacking the two.

"Okay, okay, that's enough!" I grabbed the hat back, gave it to the poor painter, and then paused in shock. "Ezio, did you just say 'Christ on a bicycle?'"

Ezio blinked. "I… I guess I did."

Julia and Alicia snickered, then giggled, and then finally dissolved into laughter. Altaïr and Malik paused from their bickering to look at Ezio like he'd grown another head. Desmond muttered something about having insane ancestors, and Davey looked nonplused.

As usual.

"Altaïr, let go of Malik. Malik, don't kill Altaïr."

Altaïr let Malik go, and Malik slowly backed away from Altaïr. Altaïr slowly began explaining. When he was finished, Malik looked at him like he was insane.

"Are you sure we haven't just had too much to drink?"

"We never had anything to drink!" Altaïr exclaimed.

"…Fair point."

I shook my head. "Anyway, I'm Megan, the two gigglebots over there are Julia and Alicia, the two Altaïr look-alikes are Desmond and Ezio, and the boy on the couch is Davey."

Malik nodded slowly. "Right."

Ezio and Altaïr looked at me. "What's a gigglebot?"

I was about to reply when Malik promptly turned and attacked Ezio.

Ezio managed to squeak out a reply. "I'm not Altaïr, I'm Ezio!"

"Oh. Sorry." Malik got up and tackled Altaïr that time.

I face palmed. This was going to be a long day…"

* * *

Oh yeah, there's _definitely_ going to be some running gags.

As for adding more characters... check the poll!

- Ace of Aces 2.0


	12. Shh!

Over 100 reviews!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!

* * *

I was walking along the hallway until an arm grabbed me and pulled me into the linen closet. I blinked as my eyes adjusted to the dark.

"Malik?"

"Shh! Not so loud!"

"You're the one being-"

"Shush!"

"What are we doing in the linen closet?"

"Trying to attack Altair."

"Why?"

"Why do you think?!"

"Fair point."

"SHH!!"

I glared at Malik.

"He's coming!"

"Who's coming, Malik?"

"Altair!"

"What?"

"Shh!"

"You tell me to shush one more time and I'll-"

I never got a chance to finish. Malik threw himself out of the closet and landed on…

A very confused Leonardo.

"Malik, pray tell me what you are doing."

"Uh…" Malik looked around, panicking. Then he suddenly grabbed Leo's hat. "Mine!"

Leonardo blinked as Malik ran off.

* * *

I was yet again walking down the hallway when I was this time pulled into the powder room.

"Altair?"

"Shh!"

"Why is everybody telling me to shut up today?!"

"Shush!!"

"What are we doing, anyway?"

"Hiding."

"I gathered as such."

"Then why did you ask?"

I sighed, exasperated. "Who are we hiding _from_?"

"Malik."

"Figures."

A tense silence sat until there were footsteps outside the door.

"Is it him?" I asked.

"Shh!"

I glared at Altair. If the person by the door was Malik I'd definitely aid him in beating Altair.

The footsteps got closer. Then they stopped in front of the door.

Altair burst forth from the room and ran away, almost screaming like a little girl.

Ezio blinked. "What the hell?"

* * *

You guessed it.

I've been pulled into another room, this time by Desmond.

"What are you doing?" I asked, knowing what my answer would be.

"I'm hiding. Now shh!"

"From who?"

"Malik. He thinks I'm Altair."

"You look like him, so…"

"Shh!"

More footsteps. They stopped by the door.

Desmond, like Altair, flew out of the room and down the hall, but unlike Altair, he _was_ screaming like a little girl.

Altair blinked. "O-kay…"

* * *

"Leo?"

"Shh!"

"Who are you hiding from?"

"Julia."

"Why?"

"She wants to steal my hat."

"Didn't Malik steal it first?"

"I stole it back."

"Ah."

"Shh!"

The door opened before we noticed the footsteps this time. Leo jumped and hid behind me as Desmond poked his head in. "What's going on?"

* * *

I would have thought myself prepared to be yanked into another side room, but alas…

"Ezio?"

"Although I would love to kiss you right now I'm afraid I have more pressing issues."

I glared. "What?"

"Shh!"

I punched him in the shoulder.

"_Ow_!"

"Who the hell are you hiding from?"

Ezio shuddered. "Alicia."

"She's still chasing you, isn't she?"

"Yes. Now shh!"

An awkward silence settled between us, Ezio's ear pressed to the door and me glaring at the side of his head.

Suddenly the door opened. Ezio fell forward onto Malik's feet.

Malik raised an eyebrow. "Am I interrupting something?"

I flew forward and tackled Malik.

* * *

I think the crew needs therapy. Desperately.

-Ace of Aces 2.0


	13. Tackling, Hats, and Snarkiness

Hi. :) Started college. Life is nuts. SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT!

* * *

"Who's that?" Ezio's voice in my ear about made me jump through the roof.

"God damn it, Ezio!" I snapped, pausing AC2 in the middle of talking to Shaun.

"Well? Who is the person at the…computer, _bella mio_?"

"If you call me _bella mio_ one more time, I'll shove this controller up your-"

"MALIK, GET OFF OF ME!" I heard Altaïr being tackled behind the couch.

"Desmond, could you get Malik off of Altaïr?"

Desmond blanched. "No! He'll try to kill me again!"

I sighed irritably and went to pull Malik off of Altair. Malik then turned and attacked Ezio, who squeaked and hid behind me.

Malik skidded to a stop in front of me. He pointed to Ezio.

"Do you mind if I kill him?"

"Mal, my mom will have a cow if we get blood on the floor."

Malik thought for a moment. "Is she scary?"

"When people get things on her floor, she can be."

Malik blinked but backed off.

Ezio tried to play off his terror. It was cut short when he was knocked over by Julia. Leo was hot on her tail, and Julia was holding the coveted hat high and holding it proudly.

Leo whined, frustrated. Altaïr put a foot in front of Julia.

She face-planted on the floor. Altaïr swiped the hat and tossed it at Leo.

Leo practically squealed in delight and moved to hug Altaïr.

Altaïr moved. Leo pouted.

"I'm not the huggy type." Altaïr said.

"So?"

"I will dodge all attempts at hugs."

"You've never been hugged?"

"No."

Leo moved to hug Altaïr again. Altaïr ran for it, Leo following him.

By now Julia stood and was rubbing her nose. "That hurt."

"Need ice?" I asked, about to start the game again.

"Nah. I'm fine. Davey's knocked me around more than that."

"Ah, brotherly love." Ezio commented.

As usual, I ignored him.

Ezio walked off, grumpy, and Altaïr walked in, having lost Leo due to Julia's sudden decision to keep chasing him for the hat.

Altaïr spoke. "I cannot believe I have a… a _womanizer_ for a descendant."

Malik piped up. "Just one of your many failures."

"I'm not a womanizer." Desmond said.

"No, you're just a bartender. Not an Assassin. At least Ezio is an Assassin, even if he's an easily distracted one." Malik replied.

"You mean he'll chase after any woman whether they express interest or not a long as they're visually appealing." Altair commented.

"Like I said, easily distracted." Malik said, grabbing a book from the table and burying his nose into it.

Leo ran in, Julia right behind him, startling me into pausing the game again, the part where Rebecca was explaining Shaun's past with Shaun standing nearby.

The problem with having so many people in one place is that things inevitably end up on the ground.

The other problem with Leo's desperation to get away from Julia was his lack of attention to said things on the ground.

Leonardo's foot landed on a game case. The case slid forward, and although Leo managed to not fall backwards, he overcompensated.

He fell forward, landing on the Xbox.

Anyone standing hit the dirt. I just managed to shut my eyes in time before the bright explosion of light.

When I felt it was safe to open my eyes again, I noticed Rebecca studying me intently and poking my arm.

I swatted her hand away. "Stop it."

Rebecca gaped. "It speaks!"

Shaun rolled his eyes. "Of course it speaks. She happens to be human. Now what the hell did you do? Because this isn't the warehouse."

"How do you know it wasn't you who did something, holier-than-thou?"

"Because I'm not the one constantly messing with electronics and causing them to do strange things."

"…Shut up, Shaun."

* * *

Ah, for Shaun snarkiness. As per usual, poll on my page!


	14. Enter Abstergo

Filler chapter- Hate it all you want (I do) But it's necessary. More humor will return next chapter. Maybe I'll have Leo incapacitate a guard by talking too quickly and frying the guards brain.

* * *

"Don't touch the radio."

"But WHY, bell-"

I glared at the idiot Assassin in the passenger seat.

He gulped. "I mean, Megan?"

"Because, driver sets the tunes. I don't see you driving, so..."

Ezio pouted.

It was a _really _cramped fit in the minivan now, and I wasn't sure what to do if -heaven forbid- Lucy showed up.

"Lucy, stop kicking my shins!" Shaun snapped at Rebecca.

I managed to stop myself from hitting my head on the steering wheel- I'd given myself a nasty bruise last time.

"Hey, what's that? Looks like a cross, and it's red and white." Davey pointed out the window. I couldn't look because I was driving.

"It's probably just the logo for the Methodist church. Now be quiet."

I really need to pay more attention to things.

000000

"So, any ideas on what to do?" Desmond asked.

We were currently in downtown Houston. Everyone was getting antsy after being cooped up in the house and I'd needed to get them out and about.

"Megan, since these guys are popping through wormholes in space or something and appearing here, you don't think the bad guys by some chance showed up, do you?" Julia asked.

"If they did, I'll beat them down." Altaïr replied.

"Come on, let's go to Discovery Green. Or Memorial Hermann. Either way I feel like going to a park." I said before rounding up the others.

"I say Memorial Hermann. It's closer." Davey said.

"Memorial Hermann it is." I concluded before starting to walk.

000000

"_I thought you said you could handle Templars!_" I yelled at both Assassins as we all made a break for the car.

"I never said that! He did!" Ezio pointed to Altaïr.

Altaïr rolled his eyes. "You were no help!"

I know, I know, I'm a little ahead of myself. Julia's theory was right, and a group of Abstergo guards had nearly pounced on Desmond, Rebecca, and Shaun. Fortunately at that same point in time, Malik and Leo both decided to fall out of a tree and give some of us time to make a break for it.

But Altaïr had decided to take one on. Ezio, not wanting a bruised ego, did the same.

Now as we were running, Ezio had the granddaddy of all bloody noses and split lips and Altaïr was the King of the Raccoons. It's not often that someone I know gets two black eyes at once, but Altaïr looked like a raccoon. Shaun- believe it or not- had his driver's license that was, even a few years before, current. And believe it or not I let him drive, just so I could check that the two idiot Assassins didn't have any more injuries.

Altaïr said nothing as I looked over him. Ezio was more of a handful, smirking the entire time. His nose wasn't broken but I was forced to dab at his split lip with a cotton ball with rubbing alcohol on it. I was glad I wasn't standing- it was easy to tell that his eyes were wandering. When I caught him, I shoved the cotton ball against his lip and caused him to yelp. It didn't stop the smirk.

Shaun, thankfully, was a good driver, and no sudden turns caused embarrassing situations.

Well, perhaps not embarrassing, but definitely unwanted and awkward. I'd never have heard the end of it from Ezio.

I don't think I've ever been happier to see my house and to herd everyone upstairs. But now there were bigger problems than half of the Order hanging out at my house- there was Abstergo.


	15. Ezio's Juvenility

I know, I know, another filler. *Ducks* Please don't hurt me!

* * *

"We are so screwed." Julia said as we walked into the gameroom.

"Tell me about it." I replied as I sat down on the couch. I was thankful that it was Rebecca who came and sat next to me rather that a certain Italian assassin I was nearly physically restraining myself from slapping. And shanking.

"Now what do we do?" Desmond asked.

Shaun pushed his glasses up his nose. "We keep low profiles." He turned to me. "They don't know your name, so as long as none of our lips slip, we should be safe."

"Meanwhile, I can start looking at the Xbox-" Rebecca started.

"Don't touch it!" Altaïr and Desmond screeched.

Rebecca blinked at them both. Then her gaze flickered to Ezio.

"Ezio, why are you glaring at me?"

000000

"So when does school start back up?" Alicia asked.

"A week and a half." I replied.

"How are we all going to the same school?"

"A crack twist of fate. It feels like we're in some crazy story that some author wrote for fanfiction."

Yup, we were all headed for the same school this school year. Shaun had hacked the mainframe to my school- and had enrolled Ezio. I had asked why.

"Because he _looks_ seventeen. The truant officers will go bonkers. At least the rest of us look older."

I, unfortunately, had had to agree to that logic.

Ezio was, for some reason, incredibly excited. I was about ready to impale myself. It wasn't the fact that half of my class was probably going to be pregnant at the end of the school year, it was that going to school with him and not being able to hit him would mean he would identify it as a place he could stare and not get slapped.

Shit.

Fucking place where I could get into trouble for hitting Ezio…

"MEGAN, THE XBOX IS ACTING WEIRD AGAIN!" Ezio whined.

"What do you mean by 'weird', Ezio?"

"WHERE IT'S NORMALLY GREEN, IT'S RED!"

"That's the red ring of death! Hope you saved your progress!"

"What?"

I heard a smash. Then curses.

"Goddammit, Ezio! Now we've got Lucy here too!" Altaïr yelled.

I walked in. "What?"

Lucy was currently staring at us all, wide eyed. Her eyes settled on Desmond.

"Desmond, where are we?"

"Lucy, this is really hard to explain-"

Alicia ran by, Leo running after her. Alicia had the hat. While the rest of the group was nonplussed, Lucy looked like she was about to faint.

"IS THAT LEONARDO DA VINCI?" She shrieked.

Ezio blinked. "So she didn't shriek at seeing me?"

Malik rolled his eyes and hit him upside the head. "You don't have that effect on intelligent women."

Ezio blinked again. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Malik rolled his eyes again and walked off.

"Wait, get back here!" Ezio ran after him.

"DON'T FOLLOW ME, NOVICE!"

Ezio squeaked and hid behind me. I moved. He then went and hid behind Altaïr.

"Don't let him hurt me, Gramps."

"I'm not your grandfather."

"Might as well be."

Altaïr smacked him upside the head.

"See?"

Altaïr rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, I was struggling to explain things to Lucy, with Desmond, Shaun, and Rebecca assisting me. Rebecca's assistance in the form of sound effects and Shaun's in snide comments.

Then I suddenly had a revelation.

I would be away from my house. But Lucy, unfortunately, was the only one I trusted to keep all of the Assassins and Leo in line when I wasn't around.

And she would be here!

Maybe my house _wouldn't_ get destroyed…

* * *

The first day of school is next! How will Ezio react to an all girl class that he is the only male in? Will he scream when his mashed potatoes on his plate get up and walk away in the cafeteria? And how harsh of a babysitter will Lucy be?


	16. First Day of School

I'm on a roll! Also, edited ages. All OCs are a year older than previously mentioned.

* * *

"What did I say about touching the radio, Ezio?"

"Not to do it, _bella_?"

"I'm going to hurt you."

Julia giggled in the back seat. We were in my car now, not the minivan.

I'd told Ezio about my all female class. He'd practically shrieked in glee. I wasn't happy about going back to school but Ezio was all kinds of excited.

I pulled into the school parking lot. I got out and got my stuff out of the trunk. The others followed suit. I grabbed our class schedules from orientation (Which I hadn't gone to but my parents had swung by and picked up the class schedules) and distributed them. I sent Alicia and Julia off to the Junior High portion of the building and took Davey to his first freshman class. Then I started walking to mine and Ezio's first class.

I turned to Ezio before we got to the room. "If anyone asks, you're the Italian foreign exchange student."

Ezio blinked. But he nodded.

"We have the same schedule. Just follow me from class to class." I braced for impact and opened the door.

I was nearly tackled by sixteen other senior girls trying to hug me. Then they froze and looked at Ezio.

"Who… Is _that?_" Chelsea asked.

"_Salute_. I'm Ezio." Ezio said, smirking. I could practically _hear_ the swooning as he kissed Chelsea's hand in greeting. "Is your name as pretty as your face, _bella_?"

Chelsea nearly fainted. Ezio smirked again and then turned to me. "Why didn't you tell me your class was all pretty girls?"

"Because you assumed it, _stronzo_." I replied as half of the women in the room sighed dreamily.

At that point, Cedro, our principal and senior homeroom, English, and advanced math teacher walked in. We all scrambled for seats. Ezio took the one behind me. Cedro saw half of the girls staring at Ezio. She looked to me.

"I assume you've already introduced him?"

"_Sì._" I laid my head on my desk tiredly.

"Megan, why didn't you tell us you knew some _hot_ Italian men?" Amanda purred from the seat next to me.

I didn't move. Cedro started passing out textbooks. When she was done she walked to the chalkboard.

"You didn't tell me you had a good-looking teacher, too." Ezio purred into my ear as I restrained myself from raising a fist and hitting him in the face.

"You do realize she's like, thirty, right?" I whispered in return.

Ezio shut his mouth after that.

I started taking notes. Ezio, however, was not taking notes. About a quarter of the way through class, he started tracing a random pattern on my back between my shoulder blades. I ignored it to the best of my ability, but it was infuriating.

"I think I've figured something out." Ezio whispered again.  
"That being?" I whispered back.  
"You can't physically hurt me here."

Well, that had been irritatingly fast. I was hoping it would at least take him a day or two, but no such luck.

But then I remembered another rule that I was hoping might save me.  
"You do know this school's bonkers on PDA, right?"

"PDA?"

"Public displays of affection. You tracing random patterns onto my back while I'm trying to take notes could be considered PDA."

"…So?"

Damn it.

000000

English was over, and we were headed to Speech. Joy.

I helped Ezio figure out how to use his locker (And how to open the lock) and explained the locker's purpose. I threw my books in unceremoniously. Ezio mimicked my action- but his fell back out. He picked them up and tried again. They fell out again. He picked them up a third time, but this time I grabbed them and threw them in the locker myself.

Taylor poked me and nearly caused me to jump ten feet in the air. I hugged her instead. She and I had been friends since sophomore year.

"Have a fun summer?"

"It was… interesting…" I replied uncertainly.

Tawny blinked and raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

Ezio spoke up. "Aren't you going to introduce me?"

I sighed. "Ezio, Taylor, Taylor, Ezio."

"Hi." Taylor said.

"_Salute, bella_." Ezio said with a smirk. I nearly banged my head on the locker next to me. Tawny merely raised an eyebrow, not seeming at all fazed. "Indeed." She turned to me. "Let's go. Garner will kill us if we're late for speech."

000000

"What class is next?" Ezio asked.

"Lunch." I replied. I'd suffered through a morning of Ezio not understanding physics or advanced math. Ezio had smirked and said, "I guess this means you'll be tutoring me, _bella_ _mio_."

I had banged my head on my desk.

Seniors were only allowed off-campus lunch on Thursdays and Fridays. Today was Monday. PE and Journalism were only on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. It meant I had to eat in the cafeteria.

It meant _Ezio_ had to eat in the cafeteria.

"I'm starving!" Ezio replied. We walked in and stood in line. We got our food and paid before heading to the "Senior Table." I sat across from Tawny and next to Sam, another friend of mine who had a boyfriend she was pretty devoted to. If Ezio knew what was good for him he wouldn't bother her.

Ezio sniffed at his food. Then he took the tiniest of bites from his potatoes. He'd made a face.

"They don't taste like anything."

"I know." I replied and kept eating.

He blinked. "How do you eat it?"

"Hold your breath. Or wash it down with soda." Tawny replied.

Ezio blinked again. "I think my potatoes just growled at me."

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Now it was time for PE. I directed Ezio to the men's room before heading for the girls' locker room. I was the last one in the locker room and made sure to lock the door behind me.

Seniors had their own PE and although usually boys and girls PE as separated, here they weren't. There weren't enough boys to warrant a separation of genders in the senior PE class.

I knew we always started the year off with a volleyball game, so I was happy for that. What I wasn't happy about was being barreled with questions about Ezio the second I walked into the changing room.

"Girls! Later! Corn will kill us with running if we're late!"

At the threat of possibly having to run for not being in the bleachers on time, they all backed off and returned to getting changed.

Something told me PE was going to be hell that day.

* * *

Next up- PE and Journalism!


	17. The Rest of the School Day

Shaun sat at Megan's computer, bored. Lucy had confined them to the house.

Altaïr was practically climbing the walls out of pent up energy and boredom. Malik had his nose buried in a book. Rebecca was snoozing. Desmond was playing the Xbox. And Leo-

"LEONARDO, STOP THROWING THAT PAPER AIRPLANE AT ME!" Lucy screeched.

Leo blinked. "But I'm _bored_! I have nothing to do, nothing to paint, none of my notes to work on my inventions-"

"Then invent something new!" Lucy replied, irritated.

"But everything I've wanted to invent they've already invented in this time!"

Shaun sighed as Altaïr ran by and grabbed Leonardo's hat. Leonardo ran after him. Lucy ran after them.

"Get back here and sit down!"

Shaun sighed again. He wandered over to the computer and started playing solitaire.

000000

I stood back at the ten foot line and saw Ezio in the same position as me except on the other side of the court. He winked at me -although Amanda behind me thought the wink was for her and I could hear her swooning clearly- and I scowled. I quickly stepped over to Sam who was in the setter position.

"I need you to do me a favor."

Sam nodded. "What is it?"

"Set me up like you normally do, just in the middle. I want to shove the ball down Ezio's throat."

Sam laughed a little and nodded. At least someone appreciated my brutality. I went back to my position as Ashley served the ball over the net. Amanda behind me gave a perfect pass to Sam, who did as I asked as I went in for the kill. My hand connected perfectly with the ball and it was sent flaming towards Ezio, who didn't have his eyes on the ball, instead somewhere less appropriate.

I was rewarded with a satisfying thud of the ball coming into contact with Ezio's face. It felt glorious as he staggered backwards, cursing vehemently in Italian and clutching his nose. Coach Corn was clearly struggling not to laugh as she looked at Ezio's nose, and after declaring it not broken, allowed him to sit out.

The game continued. Taylor walked over to me a little while later while I was serving and whispered.

"Ezio's still staring at your ass. Wait, now it's your chest. Wait, now it's your ass again-"

Suddenly I didn't care if I was giving up a point. I nodded to Taylor and she went back to the center back row position while I prepped for serving again. I made a few calculations in my head as I prepared. Then I threw up the ball, and whacked it hard. It didn't go sailing over the net like it normally would have, but instead went out of bounds and sailing towards Ezio who, once again, wasn't paying attention.

Another satisfying thud as the ball bounced off of Ezio's forehead followed by a screeching curse in Italian.

Oh, I was having fun in P.E. that day…

000000

I walked into the computer lab for Journalism, Ezio trailing me. I sat at a computer and he sat at the one next to me. Taylor sat at the one on the other side of me.

"So, _bella_, are we almost done with school?" Ezio asked.

"Would you like me to smash your face in with a volleyball again?"

Ezio blanched a little but covered it up with a smirk and a wink in Taylor's direction. Taylor rolled her eyes.

We had the same teacher we had for speech for journalism. And to be quite honest, none of us were too fond of her. She was the "Even if I made the mistake it's your fault" type. We could handle our principal/advanced math/English teacher's bipolarity because we knew how to make her happy. We hadn't figured out Garner yet.

Garner marched in and gave us instructions on how to log into the yearbook software. Ezio looked towards me.

"I don't know what to do." He whispered.

"Okay, use your mouse and click on that." I quietly explained what to do.

Taylor jabbed me in the side and I saw the worst sight. Garner had caught us despite the hushed tones.

"Megan, you of all people I would suspect least of chatting up a boy in the middle of class."

I masked a scowl and bit back a _fottiti_ as Ezio -for once- made himself useful and came to my rescue.

"Ah, _Madonna_ Garner, I wasn't sure what to do to log in. The ah…" He looked at me frantically and pointed to the keyboard. I mouthed the word _keyboard_ to him and he continued. "Keyboard is constructed differently in _Italia_. _Mi dispiace_."

Garner hmphed. "Fine. Please direct all further questions to _me_, Ezio, and let everyone else continue with their work."

Ezio nodded. "_Si, Madonna_."

Garner walked off.

Taylor booted up a chat side application that came with the yearbook software and invited Ezio and I to a private conversation.

-Taylor: Close eh?-

-Megan: No kidding.-

-Ezio: And who do you have to thank?-

-Megan: Shut up, Ezio.-

-Ezio: You wound me, bella.-

-Megan: I don't think it would bother your overinflated ego. But thank you for making yourself and your mouth useful for once.-

-Ezio: I can think of another way to make my mouth useful.-

I reached over and whacked him upside the head. But he was too busy smirking to care. Taylor wasn't helping by giggling quietly.

-Megan: Taylor, shut up before I smack you.-

-Taylor: Come on. It's funny.-

I slammed my head on the keyboard.

-Megan: 65tyghfrvb-

000000

I related the day's events to Julia, Alicia, and Davey as we drove home. Julia burst out laughing, and even Davey had to hide a smirk as Alicia giggled. We pulled into the driveway and walked into the house. Our homework load was light, but I had several grades' worth of math to teach Ezio and I had to explain physics as well. Perhaps Shaun could help.

As I walked into the front door, I was accosted by Altaïr.

"I have to go outside, I have too much energy, Lucy's kept me inside all day!" He grabbed my shoulders like he was about to start shaking me. "I don't care what I have to do, I'll swim, I'll run, I'll jump, I don't care but I need outside!"

I blinked. "Ah, okay. Davey, take Altaïr out back so he can swim."

"Thank you!" Altaïr leapt for the back door and grabbed Davey's wrist along the way.

Malik walked downstairs calmly. "He's been running around like a madman for hours. He even stole Leonardo's hat."

"He must have been bored."

"He was. But he's easily bored."

"Ah."

* * *

Hyper Altair I figured would be hilarious.

Next: Tutoring!


	18. Tutoring Fail

I love you reviewers. And you readers in general :) YOU MAKE MY DAY!

* * *

I sat down at the table, Ezio sitting next to me and Shaun across from me and Ezio. A math book, a physics book, and a lot of scratch paper along with my calculator were strewn across the table.

"Please tell me you know basic math." I said.

"Like two plus two equals four basic?"

"Can you add, subtract, multiply, and divide in general?"

"Yes, _bella_."

"Do you want help or not?"

"Yes, Megan."

"Okay." I said. "We'll start with basic algebra then." I wrote 2+x=4 on one of the sheets of scratch paper.

Ezio blinked. "Since when did math include letters?"

"Since now. Okay, you want to get the x by itself. How would you do that?"

"If I kiss you will you give me the answer?"

"Dammit, Ezio, no!"

Ezio sulked before trying to figure out the problem. "Ah, I guess you would get rid of the two."

"So you would subtract the two since it's positive?"

"Positive?"

"When someone at your father's bank was in debt, they had a negative amount of money in their account. That number was how much they owed."

Ezio nodded. "So I subtract two… But that's not right still."

"In algebra, whatever you do to one side, you have to do to the other."

"So I subtract two from the four and get two, and then x=two, so… Ah. _Compre_."

I wrote another down for him to do on his own and waited as he worked through it.

"Wow. Ezio can count." Shaun remarked dryly.

"I did work in a bank for most of my life, thanks." Ezio snapped, defensive.

"Shaun! Give Ezio a break, he's just started!" Rebecca chirped as she walked by.

Shaun hmphed.

I told Ezio to keep working while I worked on the homework for that night. I was so engrossed in solving a statistics equation that I didn't even notice Ezio's hand creeping up my leg until I heard his voice in my ear.

"You're concentrating too hard on that problem, _bella_."

Embarrassingly, I must have jumped ten feet in the air, knocking over my chair in the process. Shaun burst into laughter as Ezio smirked.

"God dammit, Ezio!"

Shaun kept laughing. Altaïr poked his head in, curious.

"I heard a crash and loud obnoxious laughing." Altaïr said flatly. "I'm scared to ask."

Shaun managed the story between laughing spurts. When he was finished, Altaïr just stared at Ezio. Ezio shuddered after a few minutes under Altaïr's gaze before Altaïr disappeared.

I picked my chair back up as Shaun's laughter finally abated. Ezio was smirking.

"I told you that you were concentrating too hard on your work, _bella_. I'm much better to concentrate on."

My head hit the desk. "I wish I could take a pin and just pop that overinflated ego of yours."

"Overinflated maybe, but justified. Your class seemed to enjoy concentration on me."

"_Fottiti_."

"Time and place, _bella_."

Shaun burst into giggles again as I whacked Ezio upside the head again. And of course, again he was too busy smirking to care.  
I managed to get him through the first math homework, despite his offers to kiss me for the answers.

Then we moved onto physics.

"What's antimatter?"

Shaun burst into laughter again, both at Ezio's complete lack of understanding in the physics department and my frustration.

"I don't think you should ever be a teacher, _bella_." Ezio observed as I headdesked repeatedly.

"Want me to let you in on a secret, Ezio?" I replied.

"What?"

"The Earth… is round."

"Round?"

"Yes. Round."

"Like a ball?"

"Yes."

Ezio blinked. Malik poked his head in.

"I already knew that!"

"But everyone says it's flat!" Ezio said.

"No, _amico mio_, it is, in fact, round." Leo said, poking his head in as well.

Ezio rubbed his head. "This is too much learning. I haven't had any fun with a woman in weeks!" Ezio wailed.

I hit him on the back of the head. "Get used to it."

Ezio sulked.

* * *

Ezio+physics=fail.

It's not a theory. It's a postulate. XD

R&R!

Next: School talent show.


	19. Backstage

Short, but I couldn't get the idea of the crew going to a talent show at the school out of my head. Fail XD

* * *

"Explain to me where we're going again and why?" Altaïr asked from the passenger seat next to me.

"The Follies at the school. Talent show." I replied.

"Why?"

"Because the seniors have to work backstage."

"Oh." Altaïr replied before amusing himself with the window again.

I pulled into the parking lot. We all got out.

I sent all but Ezio to go sit somewhere and told Lucy to make sure they didn't do anything stupid. Ezio whined.

"Why can't _I_ go sit down?"

"You're a senior. You have to work!"

Ezio pouted. I grabbed the back of his collar and started dragging him backstage.

Ashley accosted Ezio the second I got us backstage. Suddenly Ezio was grinning. I let him be, not wanting to deal with him for the rest of the night and picked up an abandoned clipboard with act times on it.

I looked outside to the crowd and noticed it was growing. Naturally this was more of a social event than anything.

I went to go find the first act.

Garner waltzed through, apparently in a happy mood.

"Five minutes to magic time, people!"

I resisted the urge to slam my head against the wall. All of these urges to slam my head against something couldn't be healthy.

My cellphone rang. It was Lucy.

"_Megan, Julia stole Leo's hat again._"

"Tell her I said to give it back or she's sleeping on the porch tonight." I said flatly before hanging up.

I found the first act, a junior singing something. I dragged the junior to the stage.  
"You're on in two minutes. Don't go anywhere."

Cedro was doubling as emcee tonight. I sincerely hoped she didn't embarrass herself like she had last year… She still doesn't know what that term means, either…

I sent the junior onstage when it was time. The show began.

000000

Altaïr sat back in the seat and pulled his hood over his face, planning to nap.

Malik poked him. Altaïr ignored it. Malik poked him again. Altaïr swatted his hand away. Malik poked him a third time. Altaïr hissed. Malik laughed.

"Hey Malik?" Julia asked.

"What?" Malik replied.

"Can I have a hug? Well, half a hug. That was uncalled for. Sorry Malik!"

Malik facepalmed.

000000

Well, we were halfway through. I hadn't seen Ezio in an hour, but I wasn't too worried.

Wait… I hadn't seen Ashley in an hour either…

I sighed, my mind putting two and two together.

I handed the clipboard to Taylor and went way backstage, where some of the older prop rooms were. I heard strange noises coming from one. I walked over and tried the door. It was locked. I pulled out my phone.  
"Hey, Lucy, could you send Altaïr back here? I have a door I need him to kick in."

000000

Four minutes later saw Altaïr with Rebecca's borrowed lock picking kit trying to open the door.

There was finally a loud click and the door swung open. Altaïr quickly put the kit back together and handed it to me before poking his head inside the room.

"Ezio Audtiore da Firenze, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

I heard stammering and poked my head in also. Ezio currently had his hand up Ashley's shirt, but both were frozen, seemingly mortified.

Ashley suddenly rushed over to me.

"Please don't tell anyone, please please please-"

I held up my hands. "Relax, Ashley, I'm not _that _cruel."

Altaïr was glaring at Ezio. Ezio managed a weak smile.

"Eh… Hey Gramps…"

Altaïr's aura darkened. Ezio gulped, expecting to be stabbed.

Fortunately, all Altaïr did was smack him, but Ezio was definitely going to have a bruise in the morning.

000000

"Where were you three?" Garner asked, now in a bad mood.

I opened my mouth to respond but Ezio beat me to it.

"I got lost and they came after me."

Garner bought it. "Ezio, really, just ask for my help instead of dragging your classmates into things."

"Yes, _Madonna_."

Garner walked off.

"See? I am good for something." Ezio beamed, all traces of earlier embarrassment forgotten.

"Don't make me tell the others what happened, Ezio."

Ezio gulped again. I walked off, shaking my head and warning him not to do anything else stupid.

I walked back over to the stage area, Ezio following me like a dog. Only it wasn't a cute dog, like when Leonardo followed me, but it was a lecherous dog.

Fortunately we were down to the last acts of the night.

"And a few of you may not have known this, but we have a foreign exchange student this year! Ezio, come on out…"

Ezio smirked and walked out onto the stage to stand next to Cedro.

Cedro handed him the microphone.

"Ah, yes, my name is Ezio Auditore, and I am from Florence. My father is a banker, and he wated me to experience what living in another country was like. And I like it so far!"

Part of me was very glad that Ezio was so good at bullshiting.

* * *

Because explaining that Ezio's from 1476 would be so easy XD

R&R!

Next- The Fail Day


	20. The Fail Day

You will laugh, but this day actually did happen to me during senior year of high school. Just, you know, sans Ezio. If he had been there though, it would have been even more epic.

* * *

Ezio and I walked into class. We were ten minutes late because he had been staring at himself in the mirror and Altaïr had tried to sneak into the trunk of the car. Even after the Ashley incident Ezio still constantly flirted with my friends and I. My annoyance was starting to grow palpable.

Anyway, I was rather shocked when I saw no Cedro.

"Where's the teacher?" Ezio asked.

"Late." Bethany replied.

We nodded and took our seats.

Time passed agonizingly slowly. Eight-fifteen, eight-twenty, eight-twenty-five, eight- thirty…

Still no teacher.

We occupied ourselves, getting out of our chairs and laying or sitting in various parts of the classroom. I was glad the back closet was locked because Ezio may have tried to seduce another one of my classmates if it hadn't been.

"I'm bored." Ezio said.

"Find something to entertain yourself."

"How about someone instead?" He said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows.

"You are insufferable." I growled. I scooted over to Taylor and struck up a conversation.

000000

"Altaïr, is there any particular reason you're following me?" Shaun said, taking a sip of tea.

"I'm bored. And I have tons of pent up energy. Lucy won't let me go out the back to swim and run alone. Please?"

"You're like a dog asking to be let out."

Altaïr snarled a bit.

Shaun hastily corrected himself. "A vicious dog."

"You going to go outside with me or what?"

"Fine."

000000

Cedro finally showed up at 8:45, five minutes before class let out. She'd overslept and one of the office workers had had to go wake her up.

She looked at us sprawled about the room and shrugged before saying "No homework today." and dismissing us early.

We gathered our things and headed for the lockers. We walked into speech class and took our seats.

Yet again, there was no teacher. Not that we did that much in this class anyway.

I decided to take a nap, leaning against Taylor who was leaning against the wall.

I woke to the bell and discovered a warm weight on my shoulder.

Guess who?

Yep.

"Ezio, get the hell off of me."

"Five more minutes, _madre_…" Ezio mumbled.

I stood. Ezio toppled sideways with a curse.

According to Amanda, Garner had been in and out all class period. Two classes with no teacher.

In physics we were ahead, so Mrs. Light let us work on other homework. When we explained how our day had been so far she laughed.

Mrs. Light was cool.

Anyway, we went to advanced math. No teacher. Boredom seeped in and we went over to Cedro's desk and decided to look up youtube videos.

First we youtubed "drunk guy vs. flip flop". I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. Then we started clicking on the related videos. We saw a drunk guy try to rob a liquor store and fail miserably. Then we watched a video about a kitten on kitty Vicadin. Then a squirrel who had eaten part of a fermented pumpkin.

I was sad when the bell rang.

Anyway, Economics was where things turned into a fail.

First we had no teacher. Big surprise. The old senile sub next door was tasked with watching our class and the 7th graders next door. Naturally she was focusing on the 7th graders.

Then we were called for a birthday downstairs.

Birthdays were for a senior fundraiser. We got cupcakes for the class, went downstairs to the cafeteria, sang happy birthday, took a picture, and went back upstairs. It was mostly for the little kids.

So we went downstairs, did the routine, and were pleasantly surprised to find so many cupcakes left over.

See, the fast track never got the cupcakes because we always had something to do back upstairs. Today, however, there were like twenty cupcakes left over. And we were allowed to have the extras.

So we took them back upstairs and started munching.

It had never occurred to us that we had two birthdays that day.

Present time. I was sitting, munching on a cupcake, talking with Sam and Cathryne. Taylor wasn't in fast track. Anyway, Karina comes running in and looks at us frantically.

"Guys, I know why there were so many cupcakes left over!"

We all stared at her, most of us holding cupcakes that were in various stages of being eaten.

"We have two birthdays today!"

I swallowed my bite.

"Well… shit."

Garner suddenly walked up, looking somewhere between infuriated and crying.

"Who all ate cupcakes?" She snapped.

We all blinked and slowly, tentatively raised our hands at once.

She nodded silently and walked off.

Uh-oh. We needed a magical solution and fast.

I grabbed Ezio and Sam and we ran over to Mrs. Light's room, where those who were in business math were. We quickly explained what had happened.

"What do we do?" I asked. "Garner is _pissed_."

Mrs. Light seemed thoughtful. "I have a twenty in my wallet. Take it and Taylor and quickly go buy more!"

Taylor grabbed the twenty while Ezio ran back to retrieve my car keys and wallet. We ran out to my car. Everyone strapped in and I put us on the fastest route to Wal-mart.

I may have sped a little.

Just a little.

But Ezio nearly kissed the ground when we got to Walmart. I stayed and kept the car running and sent Sam and Taylor inside.

Ezio smirked at me. "I like a woman who takes charge…"

I punched him in the solar plexus and he struggled to catch his breath.

Sam and Taylor reappeared with the necessary cupcakes. I sped back towards the school that was fortunately only five minutes away.

Ezio nearly kissed the ground again and begged me to never drive like that on the way home.

000000

It all worked out. We got there just in time for the birthday and had done the routine. Then we slogged back upstairs. I looked at the clock. It didn't feel like it had been twenty minutes.

Bethany suddenly hatched a brilliant plan. "Let's leave for lunch early."

We all agreed. The bell rang for junior high to get out of lunch, but the half-senile Mrs. White didn't know the difference when we all stood and gathered our things.

We walked back out into the hall.

Cedro was standing and talking to a student. The student walked off and Cedro noticed us.

"Where are you going?"

Ezio spoke up quickly. "Could we get you anything for lunch, _Signora_?"

"No, but thanks for asking!" Cedro beamed before walking back into her classroom.

"Ezio, I forgive you for hiding my left shoes this morning." I said, dumbfounded.

"_Prego_." Ezio smirked.

* * *

Check out the poll and R&R!


	21. Park Attack

Hi all! Now, allow me to say that the poll is COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL. IF -note IF- it did happen it would be at the VERY VERY end. :) So, that being said, let's get this show on the road!

* * *

"Megan, are we there yet?" Ezio whined.

My left eye began twitching violently.

Ezio didn't seem to notice and asked again. I was about to smack him but Altaïr beat me to it.

"Ow! Grandpa!"

Altaïr rolled his eyes. "I still cannot believe _you_ are my descendant."

"I can't believe you're my ancestor." Ezio replied dryly.

We were on our way to the small park in Alvin, as it happened to be an in-service Friday. Which meant no school for us- thank God.

The second I stopped the car Altaïr was out of the car and running. Ezio chased after him.

"Race you, Grandpa!"

Altaïr ignored him.

"Take that as a yes." Ezio sprinted past Altaïr. Altaïr growled and sped up.

Leonardo had grabbed his sketchpad and was now sitting by the lake, drawing. Malik had grabbed a book from the house and went to read under the shade of a tree.

I sent Julia to watch after Altaïr and Ezio, then sent Alicia to look after Leonardo. Davey took it upon himself to lie under the same tree as Malik for a nap.

Lucy and Rebecca went for a jog, Lucy dragging Desmond with them ("You need to get in shape, Desmond.") and Shaun said that he was going for a walk and headed off.

It was calm. I wasn't used to calm anymore. It was a little unnerving. But I shrugged it off.

I pulled out my phone and started playing an app I had on it called "Pocket God".

I redid the names to Ezio, Ashley, Malik, Shaun, Lucy, and Rebecca. Leonardo, Altaïr, and Desmond didn't irritate me as much on a daily basis. " I kicked Lucy into the water, had Ezio eaten by a shark, and threw Ashley into the volcano. Then I changed maps and put Malik on drums and Rebecca on the turny-thingy. Then I put Shaun in the little altar thing and tapped the screen to bring out the giant gorilla. I watched Shaun get eaten and then Rebecca and Malik get smashed. I was about to respawn them, but my phone was running out of battery, so I put it back in my pocket.

When I looked up I was suddenly tackled by an unknown assailant, but when he spoke I instantly recognized him.  
"_Ciao, bella_. Ah, we've been being followed by Abstergians."

"Ezio, get the FUCKING HELL OFF OF ME!"

Altaïr ran up with Julia and hauled Ezio off of me while Julia helped me up. I then turned and punched Ezio in the face.

He cursed in Italian and staggered backwards, clutching his nose. Julia burst into laughter. Altaïr facepalmed.

Then his head suddenly snapped up. "Run!"

I grabbed Julia's arm and took off.

A minute later, I noticed we were minus Ezio and Altaïr. I turn and ran to find Lucy.

Fortunately she wasn't hard to find. Desmond had fallen into the lake and Rebecca and Shaun had just fished him out. I ran over to them and explained the situation.

Lucy looked to Shaun. "Go and round everyone else up and get them to the car. Rebecca, Shaun, with me."

The three took off and Shaun took off in another direction.

Julia looked to me. "She didn't tell us what to do."

I thought for a second. "No, she didn't…"

Julia grabbed my arm and started running for the fight.

I ran after her, not believing what I was getting myself into. When we arrived, several… What had Ezio called them… Abstergians lay unconscious. Hehe. Abstergians. Ab-ster-gee-ans. Say it out loud, it sounds funny.

You just said it out loud, didn't you?

How many funny looks did you get?

Back to reality. Ezio looked like he had a bloody nose but Altaïr looked unharmed. Lucy and Rebecca had disarmed two of the Abstergians and were using their weapons to knock out some of the other ones. Julia punched an unsuspecting one in the jaw and stole his weapon before tossing it to me. I silently cheered my softball skills and knocked the same one in the head and knocked him out.

Although we soon took off running from the rest, Ezio had managed to get a bloody lip as well as a bleeding nose. Altaïr was limping, but it looked like it was from a twisted ankle rather than anything nasty. Rebecca had a bruise on her jaw and Lucy was unharmed.

Shaun had the van running as we piled in. He drove off. Leonardo examined Rebecca's jaw, then Altaïr's ankle.

"Megan, would you please look after Ezio while I wrap Altaïr's ankle?"

FML.

* * *

Cue Lucy deciding that Megan, Julia, Davey, and Alicia need to learn how to defend themselves Assassin style ;)

So therefore...

NEXT: Self-defense Practice

P.S.: I just realized this story has over 200 reviews. WOOT! -cue confetti-

You people are awesome.

:D


	22. Self Defense

Cue OCD!Lucy!

* * *

"That's it! After today's fiasco, you four are learning to defend yourself!" Lucy said as we all walked into the house.

I sighed.

"Lucy, is that really necessary? I mean, it was one time, we didn't have any serious injuries-" Desmond started.

Lucy cut him off. "Yes, it is necessary. It was twice, Desmond."

"But we're all fine."

"I don't care! They're learning to defend themselves and that's final!" Lucy turned to Julia, Davey, Alicia, and I. "Altaïr will be teaching you four. Ezio will help, and so will Rebecca." Lucy said.

"Do I have to?" Altaïr asked.

"Yes!" Lucy yelled.

Altaïr grumbled.

Ezio, on the other hand, was on top of the world. He tossed that oh-so-tried-and-failed smirk in my direction.

"Well, _bella mio_, I guess _I_ get to tutor _you_ now."

I turned and socked him in the chin. Ezio cursed very loudly in Italian and rubbed his jaw.

"Well, look at the bright side." Malik said to Altaïr. "At least Megan has the basics down."

000000

"No, left foot, no _left_ foot, no, _left foot, _no _LEFT FOOT_! Do you not know your right from your left?" Altaïr asked me.

I had been debating over which foot might be the left one.

I know. I don't know my right from my left. Quiet.

"Eh…"

"I'll take that as a no." Altaïr said before searching his brain for a mnemonic I could remember.

"I could show her which way is left and right…"

"Ezio, get back to working with Davey!" Rebecca cut in.

Ezio grumbled but complied.

"Okay, what hand do you use to hit that round thing?"

"Round thing…. A volleyball?"

"Sure, why not? What hand do you use?"

I raised the hand I used to spike.

"That's your right hand."

I nodded. "Okay."

"Let's try again." Altaïr said, although I could tell his nerves were starting to fray. "Move your left foot there…"

I took a guess.

"That's your right!" Altaïr screeched. Well, as screechy as he could for a gruff, cold, stoic assassin. Which isn't very screechy, so imagine it as Altaïr's equivalent of screeching.

Yeah.

"Okay." Altaïr huffed. "Let's try this one more time. _Left foot_ there."

I seemed to move the correct foot, for he didn't screech again.

"Okay, you clearly lack bulk, but judging how well you hit Ezio you seem to know how to throw your weight around. So power won't be an issue." Altaïr mused. "I'll just show you where to hit."

I nodded.

We got started. Rebecca was helping Julia and Alicia, and I could hear Rebecca's frustrations with Alicia.

A little while later, we all stopped for a break. Ezio decided to spend his bothering me.

"So, _bella_, I see you're not too bad at this fighting business…"

"Ezio, I swear to God I'm going to knock the living shit out of you-"

"You wound me with your cruel words…"

"Your ego's too big for that."

Ezio shrugged at that comment and instead opted for that "killer" smile that had nearly made Ashley faint at one point. I was busy thinking of all the fun I could have knocking his teeth out.

Naturally, thinking of all the ways I knew that I could punch out his teeth distracted me. And naturally, Ezio picked up on this, and ran a finger up my spine.

I reacted before I remembered it was him and shoved my fist into his solar plexus hard. He staggered backwards, struggling for breath.

Julia cracked up laughing. "I guess these lessons were a good idea after all!"

000000

After helping Ezio to sit down -which wasn't fun- and then sending Julia to get a glass of water after Ezio's coughing fit, I stood by Rebecca as Leonardo and Lucy checked that I hadn't done too much damage.

When Ezio could speak again, he pointed a finger at me and squeaked. "You… can hit… really… hard…"

"My work is complete." Altaïr said dryly before sitting down on a chair nearby.

Ezio glared at him. "_Stronzo_."

Naturally, Altaïr showed no reaction, and Ezio sulked.

* * *

So, you think that will stop Ezio from hitting on Megan?

Yeah, I didn't think so either.


	23. The Senior Prank and Camp Day

Sam giggled as her parents, the janitors, opened the door from the inside of the school building.

It was the night of the great senior prank, the first ever attempted at my school. The entire class was there and armed with sticky notes. Our plan was to sticky note the walls.

We crept up the stairs to the high school floor and opened the sticky notes. We tried to do it systematically, starting at the top and working down the walls.

Ezio was the only one tall enough to jump and reach the highest points on the wall, so I fed him sticky notes while he placed them on the wall.

He actually seemed to be having fun jumping up and down like a rabbit before he slipped on a sticky note and fell with an "Oof!"

I laughed.

Ezio sulked. "You are a master of schadenfreude."

"Wow, Ezio knows a big word!" I said sarcastically.

Ezio glowered. I laughed again.

Taylor ushered us back to work.

Slowly, surely, all of the high school area halls were covered in sticky notes. We took pictures for the yearbook, and then we all slipped out, most of us giggling. We couldn't wait for morning.

000000

Ezio, Davey, and I walked upstairs. We saw several students just staring at the walls in astonishment. Davey jogged off to class and we went to put our stuff down in Cedro's room. She hadn't arrived yet, so we joined the other seniors in waiting for her to walk up the stairs.

When she finally did come up the stairs, and saw what had happened, her face turned the color on a sunburned lobster.

"I HAVE A TOUR THIS MORNING IN FIVE MINUTES! !"

We giggled. Taylor grabbed a handful of sticky notes off of the wall, smooshed it into a ball, and threw it at Sam.

Sam threw it back.

What started would later be known as the Great Senior Sticky Note Fight. Cedro looked mortified as Ashley threw a giant wad of sticky notes at Amanda, and Karina threw another wad at Bethany.

Ezio wasn't missing out on the fun either, throwing a wad of sticky notes into my face. I grabbed the wad, ran after him, tackled him, and raised my arm, ready to shove it into his face.

"Such an interesting position we find ourselves in, _bella_…"

I slammed the wad into his face.

000000

After we cleaned up, Cedro let us go over to Camp Day. See, there was a camp across the street, owned by the same people as the school, and twice a year we'd have Camp Day.

I'd told Shaun to bring Altaïr by- with all of the other chaos, everyone would think he was another parent.

"NO climbing. NONE whatsoever. Okay?"

"Can I run?"

"Sure."

He was about to take off when his stomach rumbled, loud enough for everyone within a five foot radius to hear. "I'm hungry."

"Lunch isn't for another two hours." I replied.

"Oh."

"EZIO! MEGAN!" Karina ran over. She blinked at Altaïr and Shaun. "Who're they?"

"Ezio's uncle and his friend." Shaun cut in before I could. "We happened to be in the area and his uncle wanted to pay him a visit."

"Oh. Cool. Well," She turned to Ezio and I. "Desteny, Sam and I are bored. We were gonna run down to Buc-ee's and get snacks and drinks. Come with us!"

I was pushed by Karina and dragged by Ezio to the waiting car.

"Is this even allowed?" I asked as we climbed in and buckled up.

"We're seniors. Does it matter?" Sam asked.

"Good point."

We drove to the Buc-ee's at the end of the street. Then I remembered that Ezio had never been to a gas station before.

Ezio climbed out and ran inside. I ran to catch up. I saw him playing with the slushie machine. He grinned at the girl over the counter who was glaring at him, and the girl's ears turned a little pink as she looked away shyly. I walked over to the slushie machine and dragged him away from where he was trying to stick his head under the dispenser.

I handed him a cup. "Put it in here, and use a _straw_ for God's sake."

"Straw?"

I put a straw in his hand.

"Oh! You mean a tubey-sucky thingie."

I facepalmed.

I let him fill up the cup and then put the lid on before handing it to him. I paid for it, some chips and water for Altaïr, and a Mountain Dew for myself before I ushered Ezio back out to the car.

"Sip the drink, okay, Ezio?"

Ezio blinked at me, halfway through a long draught of slushie.

"You'll get brainfreeze. You've never had brainfreeze so it will hurt twice as much."

Ezio shrugged and continued with his long draught.

I waited for it.

"_MIO DIO_ MY HEAD!"

I laughed.

000000

Ezio, now recovered from his brainfreeze, took my advice and sipped carefully. When we got back, I handed the chips and water to Altaïr who wandered off somewhere secluded to eat them. I made a beeline for the zipline, and Ezio followed because he didn't know his way around. After standing in line for two minutes, I pulled on a harness. Ezio stared at it like it was demon-possessed. Fortunately a staff member helped him put it on.

We climbed up the spiral, mildly unstable staircase -Ezio uneasy- and reached the top. I walked over to one of the ziplines and attached my line. Another staff member helped Ezio.

Ezio looked over to me, looking a little panicked.

"Megan…"

"Yes, Ezio?"

"There's no haystack or convenient piles of leaves… Are we… jumping?"

"Sort of. We lean forward, off of the platform, and gravity and inertia takes care of the rest."

He gulped. "What if I… fall?"

"That what the rope is for."

"Oh. Okay." He brightened at that, and at the signal, we pushed off and went sailing along the zipline.

"WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!" Ezio screeched.

I facepalmed. Seriously, all of this hitting my head business couldn't be doing any good.

* * *

Well, my faithful followers, readers, and reviewers... next chapter shall be last. But do not fret! For five minutes after I post the last chapter, I shall be posting the sequel- There's an Assassin in My Dorm Room! Where we will be following the adventures of the Creed clan and Megan and her college buddies as they deal with... each other. Yes.

-Ace of Aces 2.0

(P.S.: If you caught a reference in the chapter you get... air. But it's holiday air! Not that that makes it special...)


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